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It Darkened Daylight

Submitted by judyanne on Tue, 2012-04-10 06:33

 

What would I see if riding on a light-beam?

A bi-dimensional plane, or a geometric point?

I'd view the universe's wondrous mysteries agleam

and know the very blueprint of the Ancient One's own thought

 

Deliberation led to a great insight -

the formula that Albert Einstein shared

by linking energy and mass and light

-- now so well known - e equals m c squared

 

~~~~~~

 

The powerful ignition darkened daylight

then morphed into a deep eternal scream

Intense and terrible destructive might

resulting from a great man's simple dream

 

 

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

emogothgirl

Tue, 2012-04-10 12:39

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my only problem with this is it makes me think of geometry. *shudders* lol. nicely done.
always,
mag

judyanne

Wed, 2012-04-11 00:32

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lol - i always enjoyed geometry :)
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2012-04-10 19:40

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According to theory all ojects being approached or left behind would be shifted into either the red or blue spectrum according to whether we were going toward it or away from it. Only the objects temporarily at our sides would be seen normally and then only for a short time until they fell in our wake. Your assignment now< should you choose to accept it> is to now use these facts to write a new poem. This message will self destruct at next crash lmao.......stan

judyanne

Wed, 2012-04-11 00:31

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and here you are - assignment completed :)

The steady step of life itself is time
It slows and speeds dependent on how fast
one travels in comparison to light
and halts once cosmic light-speed limit's past

There is a deep connection too between
if we are energy or we are mass
and pace we may traverse continuance
E equals M C squared advises this

My mind begins to ponder on these facts
envisions spirit meeting speed of light
to enter into our Eternal Now
where energy returns to the pure white

It's not far-fetched to dream this, I insist
E equals M C squared suggests just this

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Cloudthings

Wed, 2012-04-11 03:40

Cloudthings's picture

Oooh & I love the addition above!!!!
Judy, I am loving the unfolding of your poetry, quite varied thus far. Always with a little glint of humour perhaps?

You seem to have a wonderfully inquisitive mind, a pleasure to be privy to the expression of it.

These, are really interesting reflections & I enjoyed them greatly.

Thanks
Anni
xx

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

judyanne

Wed, 2012-04-11 11:40

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thank you so very much for the so supportive comments about my writes
i am so glad you enjoy my thoughts

where abouts in vic do you live? - i noticed a comment you made about living near a national park... lol i have words for gals like you b!@%h... i am soooo jealous i would love to live in the country
- grew up in the country.... but in the city now.. lol if perth counts as a city - we are getting bigger though- sadly

anyway - i also agree with you that freo has changed since the cup, i;m on the side that feels it is for its detriment - it suffered the loss of a refreshing naivity

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Cloudthings

Thu, 2012-04-12 00:04

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Hi Judy, I live in Daylesford, you can "google" it (yet another laughable addition to our language... have you been "googled" lately?) & we have matching envies. I long to live near the water, we have a couple of biggish lakes here, but here's nothing like the ocean. When I was a very poor young thing living in Freo, we had a house on the highway (is it Stuart? so long ago, I was 16 - 17sigh!) & I would take my dog walking on the deserted winter beaches across the road (over railway tracks etc.). Nothing like the wild winter flurry of an ocean beach, so close to a major highway & so undervalued back then... I'm sure all that is now rowed with housing & more beauteous than it was seen back then. We used to go to the Freo market each week & our treat was either fresh juice or crepes at the hippy stalls there, I loved that place so much. It IS beautiful here though, we are very lucky in Oz I think, so much variation & beauty. Yes, there really was a most refreshing naivity there wasn't there.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

judyanne

Thu, 2012-04-12 12:51

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stirling highway i think you mean
it runs along the beach as fremantle is approached

my grandmother lived just off that road further towards perth - claremont - and i went to boarding school located on the same highway at claremont
and then i did my nursing training at fremantle, so i could guess within a mile or two i reckon where you used to live
btw, although much has changed, that particular area hasn't
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Cloudthings

Wed, 2012-04-18 22:50

Cloudthings's picture

YES!!! Stirling, it was... god, more than half my life ago! My lovely dog "Anubis" got run over on that road, sigh!

How lovely though, to remember such sweet things, I did love it there, all that sun & warmth... Off to see what you've been writing now xx
A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2012-04-11 05:12

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Judy, you should put your assignment up as a poem. Nice peice of writing on both counts. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

judyanne

Wed, 2012-04-11 11:40

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for the very supportive words
love
judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2012-04-11 08:32

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As I approach the speed of light
odd things happen to my sight
as the wavelengths all deform
getting bent beyond the norm

All ahead, it seems, is blue
as I draw ever nearer you
for wavelengths are now compressed
just like time before a test

All from which I now have sped
suddenly has shifted red
for wave crests have grown apart
like crowds distance selves from rancid fart

The only place I see what Is
is to the sides as by I whizz
Showing neither red nor blue
as I speed on home to you

Just an off cuffer I threw together here lol.........stan

judyanne

Wed, 2012-04-11 11:59

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could become a textbook
here's another to add to it
- did you hear for a few whiles back last year they actually thought einstein was wrong !!
i wrote this one then

Some interesting news I thought I'd share -
an analytic new discovery
They say they've found these particles 'out there'
(and scientists have been shocked out of ennui)
that speed along a tad faster than light

They'll check, and if the find be found not faulty
the way we see our world will change o'er night
and things we think today will be contrary
to everything that we thought we had right
Example - tripping through time now seems more likely
(although still practicably out of reach)
and all the theories they’ve written lately
will soon become, it would seem, obsolete

So now their tummies feel a little queasy
regretting having all these years been heard
in a way, one might say, bold, free and easy
extolling virtues of e, m, c, squared

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Cloudthings

Thu, 2012-04-12 00:07

Cloudthings's picture

Bravo you two, what fun!
A

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

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