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IRISH PEOPLE ARENT BRITISH!

In my opinion
The most common, rude and annoying thing foreigners say to Irish people is
When you tell them you’re Irish and they reply
So you’re British?
Like that wasn’t something so taboo
Like our ancestors didn’t fight to be free and no
Before anyone says it
No the Irish have not been persecuted like the blacks, the Hispanics, the Muslims
Or any other oppressed nation of people
But we still fought for our freedom
Like many we were trapped, ruled over
Second class in our own home
We held our own language in our hands as they slowly diluted in making it so rare
We fought to speak it.
And now in many parts of our country it is pronounced dead
Few counties keeping it alive
But it’s not thriving
Its surviving
On its last strings
Clinging on
It’s a sinking boat
So few of us pleading, trying to keep it a float
Most countries don’t know we have a language.
Don’t know our past
Don’t know how rich and vibrant the seeds in this country grow
How effortlessly our nations children blossom
But still there an empty hole inside
One maths, art or foreign languages can’t fill
One that has only momentarily healing
In the Irish class room
One so many of us take for granted
One our ancestors before us didn’t have the privilege of.
Because Irish was out lawed
A sin
This ban put in place by the ones who covered their ears as we spoken
These people that pronounced us second class citizens
In our nation
And when we gained freedom
We didn’t gain it all
Still some of our country lives under British rule
Still some of our land isn’t our own
Even though the northern lands were surrendered
And the language was never revived
We’re still proud to be Irish
Our country has survived
And as our phrases fade
As the curtain is drawn
On the language of our home
Ill will give the past the respect it deserves
And speak to it in its own tongue
Cé go bhuil tú ar do teaghrán dheirnach
Is doigh liom go bhuil mé i mo croí
Cnámh droma na tíre
Agus leastsa ni bheidh mé riamh

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this poem is longer than my usual pieces translation to last four sentences(there in irish): even though you are on your last strings I feel you in my heart the backbone of our country and with you ill never part also counties is the equivlant to states in america just so its not confused as a typo all feedback is apperciated xx
Editing stage: 

Comments

Doesn’t make it a poem. It is prose breaking up lines to look like a poem. It is a lecture. So what defines a poem? There are many poetic devises..but the best way I know how to put it is poetry uses charged words. Music and sound. Images which engage the imagination. Rhyme and rhythm. If there are no standards for what defines a poem, or any art form, it’s all fake news. Years knew how to define Irishness. I’d start there

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

acc we recently had an assignment to create a spoken poem without consisent or rhyming at all this is my out come as we are touching on that topic that ."not all poetry rhymes the way it is said or read makes it poetry" -my english professor

author comment

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Damn this spell check !

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

of poetry not rhymed, in free verse. Certainly rhyme does not define all poetry by any means. But there must be "charged language." How do you do that? By sound of words, images, metaphors, alliteration etc. This language is not charged, its conversational

In my opinion
The most common, rude and annoying thing foreigners say to Irish people is
When you tell them you’re Irish and they reply
So you’re British?

Everything is clearly stated. It inspires the intellect no the imagination.

If you don't prefer rhyme (Yeats)...how about Seamus Heaney. Nobel prize winning Irish poet. Free verse. His words explode of the page elevated language and symbols, images and pace.

BTW I think your teacher is an asshole. Why would he want to discourage you to write as you feel like writing a poem? What is the point of this exercise? Turn off students to poetry?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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