Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Intrigue
first look
an impression
second one
a perception
eyes closed
an image
re-opened
a blank
a dream?
may be
a nightmare?
know not
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
this is about those kids who are born to the sound of guns and know not what is peace
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Tue, 2018-08-28 15:13
Hello raj
I've played a little with some verses. Please feel free to tell me I'm not on the right track. I know I'm not. Please ignore the suggestions altogether.
re-opened
a blank [destruction
a dream?
may be [No]
a nightmare?
hope not [I hope] as a nightmare is still safer than destruction.
what then?
um disbelief
of what?
um peace
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Tue, 2018-08-28 15:21
Hi ula
actually my original choice was "know not" instead of "hope not" but stayed with hope not being not sure if others would read it the same way you and I feel....do you think chosing the middle line "know not" would be better?
.................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2018-08-28 15:30
O raj_sublime
your absence has been marked
once a guy wrote to me
I am intrigued
not really knowing his intention... i looked up the thesaurus... o what a relief now i understood this
real relief
raj
Tue, 2018-08-28 16:03
Thanks Lovedly
for reading..hope reading "last few words" helped
............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Tue, 2018-08-28 15:47
If
to show the sense of bewilderment and that someone is really confound, I say yes, it makes a difference.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Tue, 2018-08-28 16:02
ok...i now switched to "know
ok...i now switched to "know not"
..............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-08-29 06:11
Thanks Mark
for taking time to visit this page and your good words.....I do agree the small change between Um and hmm....i thought Umm suggest a contemplative mood whereas hmmmm to be more like acceptance mood....don't know if my perception is right..
thanks again..
......................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment