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Internet dating adventures aussie style, no worries, mate!

as you well know as I do
online dating may have its ups and downs
and in this way after a lot of useless meetings
with symptoms tragic and unpleasant oft
I decided to spread my wings
so I logged on to the website of lonely australian
kangaroo and koala bear lovers
called name of www.aussie-legover.com.au
where in the backhole love is not prohibited
and soon I reached a promising friendship
with someone who looks like a real goer
who participated in the lapdance of internet love
but bearing no moral responsibility to ensure that
published pictures photographed using a mobile phone
up the skirt or kilt who knows what apparel
but still suggesive of lurid cakeflaps
and what had been eaten for sunday breakfast,
poking its head up and out of that horrid orifice

finally we agreed to meet behind the old public dunny
in the park where elderly abos gather
to exchange and/or adopt their own social security papers
for cocaine a good old snort up the beak
or a case of castlemaine xxxx or fosters finest ale
or a quick one up the other side of the robot
on a warm sunny arvo in downtown sydney
no worries mate
you can imagine the disappointment when I arrived
to encounter a right fat beast
strapped to a stretcher but still keen
on a little backdoor action
but it is not for me no sirree
thank you very much dear bloody colleague
I may be desperate but I would far prefer
to trim my nose hairs with a clothes hook
than let such a monster anywhere near me as
I simply can not cope with the gag reflex
incipient on genital odours oozing generously
so I bravely dragged that smelly gurney
and its grimacing inhabitant
to bridge the gap on the wall
overlooking the strong rivulet with its raging waters
and I launched the fatso to a sweet place
where to find sublime peace at last
and I can still hear the hideous screams
as it ricocheted off the rocks
I do not blame the reader
for using nivea cream and kleenex
in illicit excitement at my sexy tale
such is only natural after all methinks

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
in the last few days I have observed that it is apparently fashionable here at neopoet.com to totally ignore all the rules of punctuation and grammar and to indulge in maximum obscurity and vaguemess whilst I cannot bring myself to spell words incorrectly and to be ungrammaticalI I am happy to essay a little piece in what seems to be a trendy style of writing I so hope you all enjoy it
Editing stage: 

Comments

I come back every now and then to look for new work and new writers I haven't read before and found this. I've been here on the old site and the new. Before I give a critique I have a few questions ? Was it your intent to offend the reader ? were you trying for the shock factor and crossed the line ? How much time have you spent here in Australia ? and where ?

Having not been around for a while, I'm not entirely sure what your last few words are about. That style of poetry is not for everyone and not everyone can pull it off. Trendy ? Far from trendy its been around a very long time. Even after all these years I am still just a scribbler (Sorry Stan lol).

Regards

Jayne.

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Before I comment on your comment, I'll answer your questions:
"Was it your intent to offend the reader?" No. my intention was to amuse. If the reader is offended, then maybe he or she is a little over-sensitive.

"Were you trying for the shock factor and crossed the line?" Surprise rather than "shock" and no I didn't cross any line. If I had intended to shock I would have been much more graphic.

"How much time have you spent here in Australia? and where?" I don't really see these as relevant questions, but to satisfy your curiosity I have visited Australia many times and have been to Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, Newcastle and most places in between those cities. The gay dunny in the park was actually in Pennant Hills.

Your main comments seemed to be that you felt I was being "trendy" (I have to plead not guilty to that one, since I was merely adopting - and parodying - the non-punctuated and uppercase-free style favoured as "trendy" by several writers here at NeoP) and that you didn't get the last few lines. If you honestly haven't realised what the joke was about at the end, then I will enlighten you if you wish - but I could be accused of trying to shock if I spelled it out too clearly.

.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Sorry if my questions fired you up. Which you seem to be. I may be wrong, it wont be the first time, as you have spent time here in Australia you'd know exactly what may or may not offend some readers I'm sure I won't have to explain that to you. It's been a while for me since I've been around and I may have come across as salty. Which I wasn't. I actually have a habit of liking that which may offend others. I was merely trying to get a handle on your style of writing. I will read some more to try and get your flavour. Seems I picked the wrong poem to read first time out of the gate. I'm afraid my time here is limited and precious to me and I try to get the most out of that time and this time I tried to take a shortcut, which I normally wouldn't have done.

Thank you for answering my questions. I do appreciate it. Your use of the word trendy in your last few words was what I was going off when I used the word trendy. We had a poet here at Neopoet who has passed away but his work would still be on the site under Esker. He was one of the best poets or the best, his use of lower case and no punctuation was a trademark. His writing style was such that Id know his poetry anywhere. He was an untrained genius and saw the world with such beautiful hues even in his darkest days.

Regards

Jayne.

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I was not "fired up" indeed I don't know what that means or involves.
"Salty" - again I don't know what you mean. Is this some peculiarky Ozzie expression?

Thanks for your interest in my writings - I will try and keep you entertained.

.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

P.s. Nivea cream ? Naaaaa much cheaper to just buy lube these days ;)

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

KY-Jelly is the best lube, but Nivea has a lovely smell which reminds so many people of happy intimate moments.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

You are over-hasty in condemning Neopoet as under-spelled and under-grammatical. Many have made the reverse complaint, of too much correctness constraining creativity.

One thing for sure, even to an Indigenous Australian 'Abo' is not ok, is never used. Is more pejorative than 'coon' or 'wog'.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Re: "Abo". I have several Australian acquaintances and they often use the term. Mind you, they are all to the right of Attlia the Hun. I used the term jocularly rather than derogatively.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

"Mind you, they are all to the right of Attlia the Hun. I used the term jocularly rather than derogatively."

All racist arseholes claim to be 'only joking'.

And most Aussies, despite our pitiful recent showings with 'Shirtfront' Abbott, Turncoat and Scummo are proud of our Socialist Democratic history and way more egalitarian than most Brits.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

...a liberal fascist than a racialist anus. I fear Britain and Australia share governments of a similar political colour at the moment. Which colour would that be, I hear you ask. Dark BLUE with a stripe of BROWN SHITE embedded in it..
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Neither Aussies, Brits nor Americans can point fingers right now.
Shame and embarrassment, I've seen Aussies wearing 'Make America Great Again' caps.
They happened to be attending talks by Jordan Peterson, Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux. Fucking Alt-Right/Racist/Misogynist/Homophobic pieces of shit.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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