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Takes little bites.
Master creator until...
Tail slaps on twilight surface.
Going home.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I am experimenting with short poems -- they are my training wheels I suppose. I want to learn how to be subtle with imagery and themes
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


I love the poetic form here.

Beavers are the second-largest living rodents after the capybaras. semi-aquatic rodents in the genus Castor native to the temperate Northern Hemisphere.

stunning imagery!
(a) Beaver
Takes little bites..

(b) Tail slaps on twilight surface
Going home

Onyinyechi Cosmos

Yes - I really like the Cinquain form too. I am happy with the imagery as well. I love the sound of beaver tail slaps on water when I am lucky enough to hear them. Like hearing the call of a loon on a lake. Such a supernatural sound...

author comment

Little or small, actually short lol poems are not necessarily for beginners. There is philosophy regarding the short poems and about which I know little. I do know that every word and every foot of meter and every syllable matters and that is only to write of a bit on construction. That being said, are you trying to accomplish a known type of structure such as a Lanturne or some kind of Japanese? Or are you writing Freeform? What is attractive is what I see (first). Love the first word or line in your poem I can see it. Beaver working on a young tree at the edge of a marsh in a forest. Marsh because there was a small stream and the beaver made a dam there (somewhere.) I see the house in the marsh that the beaver goes home to. I have seen this all (even written about it in he past.) Your short poem has relativity! A very good thing for me. Good memories for me. I hope many other folks as well. If I were to write it differently, I would focus on removing words or exchanging them for more advanced punctuation. I would try both and let it rest a day then decide keep or continue with it or keep this original (if it is) anyway in a folder in my computer as well as any changes would be noted under the edit tab above the opened poem.
I'll be returning,

Make Critique Please

Honestly I am intrigued as to what you would suggest for adding advanced punctuation. I would love you to show me how you would do so... I am here to learn after all...

author comment

Master creator;
Flaps tail,
Goes home.
Twilight reflections...

I am accustomed to primarily work in footage of 9 syllables, Owl. That is my natural rhythm.
Maybe this is worthy.

Here is the original:

Takes little bites
Master creator until
Tail slaps on twilight surface
Going home

From time to time we have a workshop on working with others' poems.


Make Critique Please

Okay I see. Like a reduction to concentrate the flavours. Requires/triggers the readers mind to participate more. Internalize more.

author comment

I like the original as is, but here is another take:

Takes little bites.
Twigs and branch
Flood nearby ranch.
Beaver don't care;
Progress don't wait.

author comment

Too many questions left unanswered for most.
This would be good to build on I think. There sure is room for more.
I was here now I disappear,

Make Critique Please

Has the feel (to me) like a Haiku, well, with more syllables

Really like the focus

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