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Takes little bites.
Master creator until...
Tail slaps on twilight surface.
Going home.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I am experimenting with short poems -- they are my training wheels I suppose. I want to learn how to be subtle with imagery and themes
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


I love the poetic form here.

Beavers are the second-largest living rodents after the capybaras. semi-aquatic rodents in the genus Castor native to the temperate Northern Hemisphere.

stunning imagery!
(a) Beaver
Takes little bites..

(b) Tail slaps on twilight surface
Going home

"Poetry is invariably imbued with a sense of calm and serenity".


Yes - I really like the Cinquain form too. I am happy with the imagery as well. I love the sound of beaver tail slaps on water when I am lucky enough to hear them. Like hearing the call of a loon on a lake. Such a supernatural sound...

author comment

Honestly I am intrigued as to what you would suggest for adding advanced punctuation. I would love you to show me how you would do so... I am here to learn after all...

author comment

Okay I see. Like a reduction to concentrate the flavours. Requires/triggers the readers mind to participate more. Internalize more.

author comment

I like the original as is, but here is another take:

Takes little bites.
Twigs and branch
Flood nearby ranch.
Beaver don't care;
Progress don't wait.

author comment

Has the feel (to me) like a Haiku, well, with more syllables

Really like the focus

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