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The Intended

Shadow fever elevates
From a whisper through the veil

Awoken from the lost
Contamination alludes to past,
Reclaiming softly
Skin unholy borne.

Foretold eyes
Witness deprivation.

Doused in spell-gaze
Hue extracts life
Leaving only an outline
Of a form unknown.

Voice of agreement
Renders no vow.

Weak stature
Desperately craves consciousness,
Unavailable, reclamation is lost
Leaving only resonance of silence.

Frailty heightens

Collapse of mind
Detains remorse.

Together wicked lies
Invite the phase to pass
Impossibly forming truths.

Fear tempts deception
Recounting instants
Wholesome in being seemed.

Night reclaims the day

Absence of genuineness
Coats stains with further shame,
Displaying no change of name.

Cased collection
Seal tight every lapse.

Light dims to Shadow

Weakness in lips
Fail to bribe

Collapse of life
Maneuvered by lies.

Dormant night draws near
Grazing face of sin

Loss drowns day
Having Darkness reign.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I am so sorry that this just wouldn't go into my mind and I can't think why I have tried to read it several times and it just isn't working for me maybe others or yourself can give me a starting point.
The title indicates that it is going to be about an intended wife or husband but it didn't appear ????
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I know this reply is very long overdue. I'm not sure if you would still like any clarification on my poem. Well in case you do yes you are right it is about the it being about an intended wife. The concept of the poem is of a mistake that the 'intended wife' has made in her past, for example like cheating on her fiance. The guilt begins to consume her on the wedding day when she is reminded of her 'sin'. She becomes weak and cannot see herself going through the wedding vows. In means of convincing herself she tries to lie to herself about what happened, but that only brings up all the lies that she's told in means of covering the past. She ends up unable to go though with the wedding as the last lines state: "Loss drowns day, Having Darkness reign." That's a quick summary of what the concept behind my poem was. Hopefully it's of some help if you do choose to re-read the poem.

author comment

this is like reading a good book and then going back and reading the
first book..or poem in this case..

so it all makes sense..
YOu can write of the ordinary
day to day of most and
make it seem exciting
with the use of words
I would call it lighting
and shade
like profile

some people have the
gift for it and intuitive eye


art is showing
but life is not showing
we are more then windowdisplays
and wonderous puppet shows
but then not for the audience
who may be wowed and
blown away

we must find our rapture
and that is always the argueable
because its so close to sin
eve bit the apple and
all god did was send them
from the garden

interesting concepts
I find your works


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