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Intangible sunset
Intangible sunset.
Silentious silhouette.
Uproarious beauteous,
Integrate in thou.
Expression reeking of
enthusiasm entranced splendour being.
Haphazardly harbinger of light manifesting a tune of new meaning.
Incongruous at first.
The then developed thirst,
of knowing intensively.
We’re all seeking something, that something is meant to be.
For tomorrow is not promised. We can make it our own way if we join forces to our-selves lovingly.
Still seeing flaws within our own laws of judgment passing the adorn beauty with haste.
Pushing it off, making it lost to relevance.
-Sage Collet
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-03-29 16:11
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Intangible Sunset" by Sage Collet evokes a vivid image of a sunset through its descriptive language, but the overall meaning of the poem is somewhat unclear. The use of words like "silentious" and "uproarious beauteous" add a unique and poetic flair to the piece, but at times the language feels forced and unnatural. The line "Expression reeking of enthusiasm entranced splendour being" is particularly convoluted and difficult to decipher.
The poem seems to be exploring the idea of seeking something meaningful and beautiful in life, but this theme is not developed fully. The line "We’re all seeking something, that something is meant to be" feels somewhat clichéd and lacks specificity. The final stanza, which discusses flaws in judgment and the loss of beauty, feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem and could benefit from further development.
One suggested line edit is to change "silentious" to "silent" in the second line, as "silentious" is not a commonly used word and may be confusing to readers. Additionally, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and a clearer focus on its central theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Sage Collet
Wed, 2023-03-29 19:13
That’s the point bud
My point isn’t for everyone to understand what this says. My point is to make people use their brains and decipher what this says.
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Fri, 2023-03-31 19:07
Excellent
This just superb.
Tim