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Insomnia

3:00 o'clock
In the morning
Another restless night
Gasping for air
More dreams of fright

He comes every time
Whether wanted or not
The demon that haunts me
His rules I was never taught

If only I had listened
When he spoke
Maybe he’d let me be
The bruises have healed
But I can still hear him
Inside of me

Talking brings it
To the surface
Holding it in
Makes it worse
All I want is to
Break his curse

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

a good rhythm going here. I would offer a few changes to make the flow better.
1] His rules I wasn't taught.
2] Whenever he spoke
3] Deep inside of me
4] Talk brings it to the surface
5] Held in, it's only worse
6] All I ever wanted, was to break his curse

I know that many people aren't concerned too much with the scansion as long as it is close, but in such a short poem, I feel that it is kind of important to keep a pattern or rhythm even so that when the reader is done, they are not reading over to correct the rhythm. I think it still says the same thing, only with a close rhythm to keep it moving. As always, feel free to ignore any or all suggestions, it's still your work! ~ Gee.
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Thank you for your revisions as always. I will make corrections tonight after the gym.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

the poem sounds to me as a sexual abuse.
looking at the second stanza
"He comes every time
Whether wanted or not
The demon that haunts me
His rules I was never taught"

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

Physical and verbal...I was referring to his appearance in nightmares....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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