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INNOCENT
With closing of eyes I see a child
who had just learned how to run
with arms spread and running wild,
lids tight shut and having fun.
A little boy with eyes of green
flying over the lush grass
toward a destiny unseen,
unaware that youth would pass.
And just before he hits a tree
I open up my faded eyes
for that young child was once me
ere life took me by surprise.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Based on one of my earliest memories. Been plenty of "trees" since then lol............
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2017-04-19 15:43
Hi
Tree likely felt more fortunate than I did lol. At least I learned to keep eyes open...............stan
author commentjane210660
Sat, 2017-04-15 04:11
Lovely poem, touch of loss
Lovely poem, touch of loss and longing.
I like the way you have used the rhyming pattern in a natural and unforced way, rather than let the rhyming pattern dictate to you.
Jxx
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scribbler
Wed, 2017-04-19 15:44
Hi Jane
Thank you. Trying to use rhyme unforced is a bit of a challenge for an old duffer like me lol.............stan
author commentraj
Fri, 2018-07-20 05:14
a good reminisce in script..
a good reminisce in script...i especially liked the perfect description of the child running...and I also know now you have green eyes...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Fri, 2018-07-20 11:54
Hi raj
My eye color is a source of argument. I look in the mirror and see deep emerald green but Susan and other claim they are blue. But I still claim green lol. Thanks for the visit to this oldie (both poem and author lol)
author comment