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infinitesimal beauty

The veil is rising

Easing off
my fear strained face,
it catches
on crystalized tears,
pulling away
I bathe in liberty

The first airless void
stills all movement,
abandon was never
nameless, faceless

No longer condemned
sliding towards the light,
I take in my first breath
free of regret and torment

In the ensuing minutes
infinitesimal beauty
takes my breath again
as I exhale my first sigh...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Isn't it great to feel free from all restraints, at least for moments?
This is what I understand. I thought this, unlike your other works, seems a bit far from being finished.
The message is there, but as if you rushed this a bit before it's time.
However, wait to see what others think dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

There is beauty of freedom but are we ever truly free ? or is it just an illusion... there is the real question,
I don't know if I have anymore to say on this subject, I will take a look at it in the next few days, thanks for your honest comment its always appreciated, and thank you for the visit its also very much appreciated.

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I agree with comments of Rula. You have captured the infinitesimal moment between fear and freedom very nicely in this poem. Therefore, the tile fits it perfectly. Being infinitesimal I feel moment would be more appropriate than minutes. Just a thought for you to think. In L6 S1 do you think it should be bathe than bath? In L4 you could do away "on". The poem runs easy on tongue as you will find out when Jess rads it on Vocaroo..

Much love h hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for the correction of "bathe" I didn't pick that one up when I edited it, if I change the "on" in L4 it will change my intended meaning but then it could also give it two meanings hmmm that's definitely one the think about ...not sure if I want to change the minutes to moment I will as always give it some thought when I edit, thanks for your thoughts I appreciate the read and the help

I love listening to Jess read his voice is just so beautifully soothing...

much love and hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

New word. I've checked for its meaning in the free online dictionary and it gives me "1.infinitely or immeasurably small. I thought infinite means unlimited...help me out here, my friends, which is the correct meaning?

Alid

it just means what you found out from the dictionary..which put a bit differently would mean that it is too small ...infinite means something which is beyond measurement it can be in a small or large way...

raj (sublime_ocean)

infinitesimal

/ˌɪnfɪnɪˈtɛsɪm(ə)l/

adjective: infinitesimal

1. extremely small.
"an infinitesimal pause"

synonyms: minute, tiny, minuscule, extremely small, very small; More
microscopic, nanoscopic, barely perceptible, imperceptible, inappreciable, indiscernible, invisible to the naked eye; wee;

informal.. teeny, teeny-weeny, teensy-weensy, eensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy, itty-bitty, tiddly;

informal.. titchy;

informal.. little-bitty

"a tiny fish with infinitesimal white scales"

antonyms: huge

noun: infinitesimal; plural noun: infinitesimals

1. an indefinitely small quantity; a value approaching zero.

That's the best explanation I could find for you, I hope it helps out

Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

OK. got ya..

Love
Alid

I didn't know it can be measured in a small way....

Alid

Perhaps you were first looking at it as Infinity instead of infinitesimial

raj (sublime_ocean)

Does your name mean sublime ocean?
Just curious

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

No. sublime ocean is my ID for emails & chat on social networks due to my fascination about the ocean.

raj (sublime_ocean)

A lovely piece just the one "E" on bath to add.
I bathe in liberty
Your explanation of small was top line, though I use other words lol, Take care have a great day, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I will fix that "E" before bed I have been in bed sick since Monday I only surfaced this evening, food poisoning knocked the wind out of me I am feeling much better tonight though...

You take care hun I will catch up with you very soon...are you home yet ?

love always Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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