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Inertia

Submitted by leoferaco on Sun, 2022-11-13 01:06

Colorless, a weighted haze
Your eyes are blanketed
Your touch is callous
Skinny fingers with thick beaded rings
Ugly jewels to hide the obscene

Torn up jeans
with safety pins down broken seams
A familiar pair of shoes
Whose laces fray
But you are too afraid to lose

Chipped nail polish
Chapped and broken skin
Snowing from your lips
Through the little hairs on your chin

Dancing and skiing
Past mountains
Of upturned acne
And downturned dimples

Rusty cords quivering in your throat
Dents in your skin
Knots in your hair
Breathing in specks
that do not belong in the air

You are pollution
And our fruitless renewal

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2022-11-13 11:15

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I have reflected plenty on this poem, and find that I cannot decide
if you are speaking to yourself, about another, or maybe about a relationship.
I do have the thought that inertia reflects the way you feel about the whole thing.
Like you have this momentum, and don't have any direction. I guess one might think
that you are tired of the whole thing and just want to jump off the wagon
so that you might find yourself. If my interpretation is correct, I find that
the title is apt. Your language use is pretty good, but I am not quite sure of the
direction you want to take, subsequently, the logic remains suspect. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

leoferaco

Sun, 2022-11-13 21:14

Thank you Geezer, the poem is meant to be a very visual depiction of depression. All the references like "torn up jeans," "chapped skin," etc are supposed to hint to the narrators internal struggle in a more physical way if that makes sense. Appreciate your interpretation always, it's cool to see how different people can get different things from my poetry! Also if you're interested to see the reasoning for the title I explain this in a reply to Lavender.

Leo

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Geezer

Mon, 2022-11-14 07:42

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Well, in a way it is about a relationship, and feeling like you have no direction; so, I did get that part of it right. I am glad that you have found Neo. and us, so that you can write about what you are feeling and maybe that helps. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Sun, 2022-11-13 20:58

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Hi, Leo,
Like Geezer, I've read several times and can only say how it speaks to me, which is pretty simple, so it's probably not your intention. To me, this is what the earth looks like if earth was a person - after we have contaminated her. I will say, my mind is on the climate crisis almost all the time anymore, so I see it in a lot of poetry, whether it's truly there or not. The title lends me to believe there will be no change very soon. Curious about your response.
Thank you,
L

leoferaco

Sun, 2022-11-13 21:12

While that wasn't my intention when I wrote it I see where you're coming from. When I wrote this poem it was about struggling with motivation and struggling to take care of yourself hence all the references: "torn up jeans," "chapped and broken skin," "rusty chords quivering in your throat," etc. These were meant to be physical depictions of how the narrator is struggling internally. The title inertia: "a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged" is a very literal reference to depression where one can't get out of bed and feels guilty for not accomplishing anything. Let me know if that makes sense. Thank you

Leo

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Lavender

Sun, 2022-11-13 21:17

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Perfectly clear. Thank you!
L

lovedly

Mon, 2022-11-14 08:25

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I liked your approach to poetry

Two words ....I wish all googled to learnn the thesaurus from your angle
one is INERTIA
the second is ASEXUAL
another guy taught me
INTRIGUE
AND finally a lady poetess keeps asking me about
ROMANTICISM
romantic BARD that I be ..
Thanks for educating me .
I love reason and logic

hope you will continue
dear youngest poet
I hear

leoferaco

Mon, 2022-11-14 09:28

Thank you Lovedly!

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lovedly

Mon, 2022-11-14 10:58

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your poems are exciting
Do you know I am still learning
but damn it have no hang yet
shall in due course
pal with all your modern help

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