Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

incentive

Some days
it would be so easy
to stay in bed
never wake
dream-live in moments
now long gone
go back
to times when life was simpler

lose myself
always and ever
in the place
of innocent not-knowing
that existed
before my greater epoch of lessons

I could stay in that world
and never come back

temptation  
whispers memories in my ear
softly
with a voice that drips with honey
an invitation
to serene insanity

Hello, this is yesterday
wish you were here

.

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

pain drips through each line
I cant offer suggestions its perfect as it sits

Some days
it would be so easy
to stay in bed
never wake
dream-live in moments
now long gone
go back
to times when life was simpler

my favourite stanza, dream-living moments?
I've been there and done that ...

love JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

so lovely to see you, hope all's well over your side of the sandy divide.

i've noted you around - have meant to pop in and visit, but my time's been taken up lately with real life, and i've had to mostly concentrate on the workshops in which i've been participating when i've had the opportunity to be on-line

i have read your writes though - mostly awesome as expected - and promise i will make the time to comment soon

thanks for the very kind words re this write of mine - i was beginning to wonder if i should remove it as no-one seemed to have anything to say about it so i was thinking it was maybe crappy

you have made me feel better though :)
love judd
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I will get round and catch up with as much as I can until I disappear again in Feb, I think the main reason you havent had any comments is the intense pain and sadness that your poem depicts

we have both been dealt bad hands and sometimes people dont know what to say in the face of such grief, and that in itself is a credit to how well you wrote, your pain is palpable hugs

glad you have gotten to read some of my stuff I am spring cleaning before I get into a workshop i'd like to start one right from the beginning so I am going to keep my eyes open to see what is on offer

you take care over there its lovely to see you again, I've really missed this place

love always JC x x x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

'I think the main reason you haven't had any comments is the intense pain and sadness that your poem depicts'

- although i write it - i don't feel it really - it's more like an actor speaking the lines if you know what i mean... they are drawn on experience yes, but not how i'm feeling now...

if you are correct and people aren't commenting because they think the write is too close to my heart, then i lose i guess...

what to do? lol
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

your poem is one depicting intense sadness
unlike Judy
a longing to be in the arms once again,
a longing to stay sleeping
as in shamming..
till someone brings a cup of tea
maybe mommy or hubby
I find sadness in every bit here
unlike what I read of you
hope this poem I composed for some one
does also bring back happiness
to and for you...

what then is happiness
if you delete all the happiness
the number of times
you have used it
in your happy poem,
you will understand
what happiness is
it’s not finding something one wants,
tis
It!

I know you will not understand
yet it!
as to what is real happiness
none know,
wealth and women and sex in abundance …
all the power in the world,
Kingship, Kingdom Queen bee be you
still you will never understand
what is happiness
will you?
not even will I do

loved

for your very kind words
lol - sometimes it helps to be sad - else how do we really enjoy happy?

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

laws of relativity must
as much as they will
thrive and survive
so be sad in order to be happy
I grant to thee
Judy

loved

How easy it would be, how easy to stay in bed when the snowy icy landscape outside drips it tears of coldness into our very bones, and makes one shudder. And yet we get up and another day is spent on the chores of the day.

But we cannot be without the dreams, they are as this poem's name states incentives many times, they carry us out of ourselves into other modes of thought and that can surprisingly bring creative ideas and actions.

A neat little poem.

Love annanya

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

thank you very much for the read and comments
- appreciated
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I can't be in any way objective about this, perhaps the reason I've been avoiding it, it literally, honey, rocked my world. Especially the line
before my greater epoch of lessons

Maybe, just maybe, it really hit my personal place at the moment, I'll now go read other peoples comments BRB

Oh, I see, yes it does resonate with 'intense pain and sadness', which as you know has been my world since late September. The doona has been my heroin at times.

Readable, effective and powerful. Yes, this is the stuff we are looking for. But I've got to admit, it's easier to do with pain than joy.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

i will now attempt a poem of joy for you to assess

maybe i should challenge you too, to get out from under the heroin-substitute-of-a-doonah and write of a joyful time/ memory that you spent with jason... it may make you cry, but it will be healing i promise...

thanks so much for the very supportive comment of this write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I can't write poetry, I can't critique well. I am not doing my job in workshops or mentoring. Am considering resigning my positions.I am close to despair.

But the nature of Jess is irrepressible! I will be back. Sooner than later, I hope.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

you have a talent with words – a gift most would envy, for it enables you to express yourself

don’t bother writing it out as poetry – just write it out
and I don’t mean for publication – I mean for yourself…

writing it makes it more real and more able to wash clean the wound
and who knows, once it is written the poems might come from it

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

just read it now before i saw this comment
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I loved the poem but I didn't pick up the despair aspect. It seemed to me that your character is laying in bed and thinking of escaping into that past world nostalgia but consciously not allowing herself to indulge in more than the momentary comfortable stretch and maybe one more stroke of the snooze button on the alarm clock.

Perhaps if despair was intended, it's my unconventional belief about time as continuing planes that neither cease nor fail to influence the present that botched it for me. Your work is very consistently strong Judy. You are by far one of my favorite poets on Neo.

Ron

BlueDemon77

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

thank you for the very very kind and supportive words

no - 'despair' wasn't particularly intended in this write
- jess was talking about the title of the poem he has just written

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This one, on re reading sounds like our Joe,
almost a defeatist kind of feeling, where one
is dwelling on the past, allowing it to envelop
the present, and poison its presence.

You describe it well, as usual, but I hope
you don't feel that life is that, what is past,
is gone, what is here is what we have,
that is worth the delving into to discover gems
we didn't know were hiding there.

My love to all your endeavours dear judyanne, annanya.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I am alright … really

as i was explaining to jayne-chloe above - although i write it - i don't feel it really - it's more like an actor speaking the lines if you know what i mean... this is drawn on experience yes, but not how i'm feeling now...

thank you for caring
love and hugs
judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

of then and now

how we chose
to follow remain
or travel to the unknowns
for better or worse...

fitting this poem this morning
The dogs and I are walking the old roadbed
The great modern overpass
the ancient two lane built in the fifties
by passed in the sixties
no longer crossing a busy train system tracks

still useful like a memory for different trips now
but aged..worn..not as carefree
and innocent now in a different way
The rabbits use this. the deer come to stand
the birds gather in the wood that rises and meets
now over its old sky clearing

Temptation is the rise to choice
and decision
I re google old haunts I stayed at marvelling
how fifteen years sometimes makes things
unrecognizable...I only know one place
from the staircase from the landing outside
so many others look the same

this did feel like a walk through...I did a lot of real
estate twenty years ago with my broker owner ex
moving through histories of people who had worked
or scrimped or frittered away time in houses
businesses and properties....observers on the move

I looked at the windows on Google with the zoom
remembering the light inside when I lived there
with the sunsets..the rain..the snowstorms..
Like life....

I had no family in that town then nor now
but I longed for the tumultous christmases
gathered...remembering too the epochs of
calamity that would make me decide to just
spend time on my own

In dreams I return to speaking and standing
laying walking with all of the ones I spent time
with and wonder of...pine for..

I am tired exhausted from walking biking to work
in winter and the dogs who are stronger now and
pull my arms harder to see and smell what they
want....To be a singular person in life is great
with lovers..partners one has to work as a team
the ones holding hands I see in the mall are
working together...they are not pulling each other
this way to that like excited children in a toy
shop... they are comfortable at their pace
together

one day I shall hold hands with my memories
and I layed in bed this morning wanting to spend
time still in a dream....rising creaking in the dark
dressing in the outfit i wear most often for work
and for how people see me in the city

Dreams do not prepare us for feelings at times
like life...we can close the door or duck into
a doorway when see others coming with their
questions or wants

I wake more tired then rest some days
the vividness of them

a lot of poetry comes from here
I have learned to gaurd but not control
my emotions
which lead way to feelings

and feelings are life

I shall attempt to live today
something of the unusual

Thank You
for this poem that prevoked this
reckoning

and the walk that pre empted
this feeling

for that poetry of your own
i especially love
'In dreams I return to speaking and standing
laying walking with all of the ones I spent time
with and wonder of...pine for..'
- so beautifully said - so much better than my poor effort lol

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.