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I'm Emotionally Broken

I am emotionally broken and angered
a boy beast pounced like a bird of prey
on a feminine skin with heavy
punch on her eye lid she bleeds

I'm emotionally instigated
trouble awakes with fearless ambition
causing nuisances and
stirring war of attrition

I'm emotionally outraged
this attempt of molestation
a stage fight against a woman
shall never go scot free

I'm emotionally disappointed
our own is now against us
our own is now hunting us
our own is now bet to fight

I'm emotionally stabbed
beyond forgiving
this threat of life
is now ripened

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Comments

in this line: I'm emotionally outrageous I think you mean (outraged)
these lines effected me the most:

I'm emotionally disappointed
our own is now against us
our own is now hunting us
our own is now bet to fight

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You are on point. I'm changing it right away
Thank you so much Cat

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

This piece is emotionally charged. A brave and well written expression of an ongoing issue that is all too often minimized. Well done.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

Infinite thanks RoseBlack for reading through. It's a current issue right now. My only sister was terribly beaten by a cousin.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

This is a problem that seems all to 'normal' in today's world. Revictimizing the victim has become acceptable. The very reasons why domestic violence victims don't speak up. Raising awareness is the only way to make progress

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

You nailed it. That's plain truth RoseBlack! Thank you for the analysis.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

So appealing to one's place in emotion. So cleverly written! This not only struck a nerve, in me, it pushed me as well into thinking about the distance in our lives.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Ray that's just it. You nailed it through. It was written because of family issue. My only sister was beaten by a cousin.

Thanks for reading through.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

one more little thing: in this line: shall never scot go free (shall never go scot free) reverse go and scot.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I will correct that immediately

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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