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I'm done

Why is life a struggle my blood spills from my wrist drip dripping into a bigger puddle . my meds i take I'm looking for a damn miracle , my false thoughts have taken over my once warm heart has become colder as I become older I don't want too bother I've become wiser and my energy's draining like a bite from a vampire I see no end a fleet of happiness tht doesn't last and the future goes back to the past thoughts

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
I'm new and I just went with the flow I don't write but I like reading everyone else's to get creative and too just enjoy
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I see that you say, you don't write. I think that you did a pretty good job here. Well, read as much as you want and take lessons from the poets here and you should gain enough confidence to say that you DO write! I think that you could start by
putting this in stanzas [lines of four]. If you do that and keep up with the rhyme and near rhyme, you should have a decent poem. Rearranging the last line can give you a good rhyme.

"I see no end, a fleet of happiness that just doesn't last
and the future goes back to thoughts of the past."
~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you honestly I don't write and I know I just jotted it down quickly with bad punctuation

author comment

it would be nice if you would leave a comment or two on pieces that you find interesting. We thrive on having critique and comments from readers! ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Totally agree what you said thank you for the feedback and coaching

author comment

Yeah I agree with you

author comment

this is a good place to make friends. All it takes is commenting on other people's work.

Welcome JF. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I've only just joined I'm a novice so I wouldn't critique yet ,but I love the brutal honesty to help others grow I've seen from geezer and a few others which is refreshing and that's what I would prefer when I write I'm loving this site

author comment

Yeah I like too rhyme if I'm writing poetry thank you

author comment
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