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I'm done
Why is life a struggle my blood spills from my wrist drip dripping into a bigger puddle . my meds i take I'm looking for a damn miracle , my false thoughts have taken over my once warm heart has become colder as I become older I don't want too bother I've become wiser and my energy's draining like a bite from a vampire I see no end a fleet of happiness tht doesn't last and the future goes back to the past thoughts
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
I'm new and I just went with the flow I don't write but I like reading everyone else's to get creative and too just enjoy
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2021-12-11 19:13
Hmmmm...
I see that you say, you don't write. I think that you did a pretty good job here. Well, read as much as you want and take lessons from the poets here and you should gain enough confidence to say that you DO write! I think that you could start by
putting this in stanzas [lines of four]. If you do that and keep up with the rhyme and near rhyme, you should have a decent poem. Rearranging the last line can give you a good rhyme.
"I see no end, a fleet of happiness that just doesn't last
and the future goes back to thoughts of the past."
~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
Jokerface82
Sat, 2021-12-11 22:53
Thank you honestly I don't
Thank you honestly I don't write and I know I just jotted it down quickly with bad punctuation
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2021-12-12 07:54
Ok, read all you want...
it would be nice if you would leave a comment or two on pieces that you find interesting. We thrive on having critique and comments from readers! ~ Geezer.
.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
Jokerface82
Sun, 2021-12-12 18:59
Yup
Totally agree what you said thank you for the feedback and coaching
author commentJokerface82
Sun, 2021-12-12 19:04
Totally agree
Yeah I agree with you
author commentTriskelion
Sun, 2021-12-12 08:31
As the geezer wrote...
this is a good place to make friends. All it takes is commenting on other people's work.
Welcome JF. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Thomas
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...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Jokerface82
Sun, 2021-12-12 18:57
Thank you
I've only just joined I'm a novice so I wouldn't critique yet ,but I love the brutal honesty to help others grow I've seen from geezer and a few others which is refreshing and that's what I would prefer when I write I'm loving this site
author commentJokerface82
Mon, 2021-12-13 13:25
Thanks buddy
Yeah I like too rhyme if I'm writing poetry thank you
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