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Ignis Fatuus ~ Fools Fire (sonnet)

Wayfaring alone in moorland's domain,
Walking along with the dead of the night;
Trekking, safely, a well-trodden pathway,
Suddenly spotting a beckoning light.

A warm and welcoming distant beacon,
A clear, bright feature to guide me ahead;
I followed the pharos with cheery store
Allowing to let myself to be led.

But then, alas, I met jack-o'-lantern
Impishly, carelessly leading astray,
Steering my footway nearer a quagmire
Fogged in the haze of the mist of the day.

With mischief afoot, deception I see....
You, will-o'-the-wisp, surely couldn't fool me!

ASJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't have any criticisms to offer. Good luck in the contest! Make sure that you use the drop down to designate your poem as part of the contest! Oh, and maybe next to the title; [Sonnet contest].
~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Gee for taking time to read and comment. The drop down tells me there are no contests running at the moment but I look forward to submitting things in the future.

Kind regards, Alan.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

what a delightful pom this was gave me pause for thought read more into it that was perhaps not meant

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem. 'delightful' is a ......delightful word. The read is really just a trip over the moors near where I live in Yorkshire, England, though I hope it encourages readers to beware of trickery as they roam through life. I am flattered that you thought you read more into it than was intended. That means it was at least half-decent if it got you thinking! Please read into it what you will lynn (I hope it wasn't too spooky for you).

Kind regards, Alan

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Every time I try to write a sonnet it is obvious I'm counting syllable and thus reads forced. Thus I just sit around and envy those who Can write them well.......stan

To make them flow naturally and still count syllable, you have to work at it but it helps to write other things at the same time and keep returning to your sonnet.
You don't actually say if you think this is a good sonnet or otherwise (or not even a sonnet at all - rhyme structure).

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

just noticed this 2nd stanza lead or led I think perhaps led yes

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

Thanks so much for noticing lynn. It's back to skule for me I'm afraid.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

So I may be stalking you today, if you don't mind! Was looking for more sir enry...
What come to mind when I read this is don't be lead astray. But even more so the imagery and of course it's a sonnet. A life long dream for me is to write a sonnet. I have read every how to write a sonnet book and still am chasing my own tail. Hey maybe one day there will be a sonnet workshop here. Mind the light sir!

Thank you...Teddy

as you know, Neo is a primarily a workshop site. Therefore I am delighted that you have back tracked and found something of mine that has interested you. We are here to help each other. A sonnet, I think, is a very special way of writing a poem. I know that it is quite disciplined but the way forward is to write a 14 liner (doesn't matter what) and simply stick to 14 lines and include a 'volta' at either line 9 or line 13. The volta is the turn in the story, For example, you can write about a rainy day and allow the sun to shine at the volta. When you are used to getting the job done in 14 lines you can then look at rhyme. Rhyme is important in a sonnet. As you progress you can go into metre (usually 10 syllables but not strictly).

If you take a look at a famous line in Shakespeare's 'As You Like It' Although written in pentameter this line actually has 11 syllables. Some times even he had to bend the rules .
"To be or not to be, that is the question".

In my 'Ignis Fatuus' you will see that the first 3 stanzas (12 lines) are trying to give the impression of a 'will-o'-the wisp' attempting to steer the narrator into a dangerous situation. At line 13 the narrator has realised the deceit and is not going to be fooled. This is probably the simplest form of sonnet to write.

If you check out my 'Rain and You' trilogy of sonnets, Each sonnet (I hope) may be read individually as a separate piece but also as a complete set of three, carrying on the theme throughout. If you read, say, sonnet 3 it should still make sense without reading the other two.

Why not start to try a sonnet Teddy? Remember 'Rome wasn't built in a day'

If I may, due to your obvious high level of interest, I would like to recommend a delightful book from 2005 but still widely available (try ebay). It was written by Stephen Fry and he titled it 'The Ode Less Travelled - Unlocking the poet within' (A bit of a take on M. Scott Peck's 'The Road Less Travelled'). As I have come to know you a little through Neo I believe that you would find this book an invaluable reference work. Stephen is an extremely well read writer who is passionate about poetry.

Hope that this is helpful ~ call anytime, you know where I am.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Thank you for taking the time to write these lovely words and I am sure I will purchase Stephen Fry's book I have heard many times, when I speak of sonnet they are the most beautifully composed poems. I write mainly free verse but I have always tried my hand also at sonnet. Obviously I am also aware of Shakespeare's work which is incredibly inspiring too.

Thank you...Teddy

Dear Alan, I've read it again and love it. I was brought up in boarding school to recite Shakespeare's sonnets by heart. We had to recite in front of the whole class. I had a good memory, thanks to my mother, who read everything to me since I was in the cradle. So 'twas easy.
I've already tweaked the poem I think you re-wrote for me. I´ll check now. Bye, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Thanks for calling by today.
I am pleased that you enjoyed this sonnet, hope it wasn't too spooky out on the Yorkshire moors.
I respect, very much, the fact that your mother read you poetry ~ what memories you must have. I guess that this is one of the reasons that you write so well yourself.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Hello Alan, I've just had a wonderful lesson from you on sonnet writing. I've written sonnets but never get the meter right.
I'll try to find one in my archives, maybe you can help. I know all the rules but seldom achieve them.
Yours is perfect, best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I would be pleased to recommend Stephen Fry's book to you also. (No I don't receive a commission on sales ~ it is just such a useful work and too good to miss). It is:-

'The Ode Less Travelled ~ Unlocking the poet within.'

This light hearted and expertly written work is, in my view, essential reading for any poet ~ novice or accomplished. There is a section on sonnets (as well as villanelles, pantoums etc.). It may completely change your poetic world.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment
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