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I'd Damn Your God

I’d Damn You God

They try to break us
using a people who are lost,
never seeing what is given
as labour, only counting cost.

Their ivory and silver tower
a testimony to greed, money
rationed out like it lives,
ignoring what people need.

Imported beggars nod off each morning,
I hear soft rumblings, is it a warning.
Will it be heard by those who drain
our power, will I see the end the final
hour.

I care not for wealth though some
would wrong me in that way, I’d
happily see equality of a people as
well as pay.

What is money taken without pride,
can you sleep when a conscience is
not clear. What good is wealth that
you have to hide, that stains not only
you but those held dear.

Wake up you sleeping giant, gather
yourself to such a force. We can no
longer be reliant, on money made
leaders without remorse.

I pray only to you my people
penurious, though some would
find that odd.
I can’t enter an existence so utterly
spurious, for if he truly existed
I’d surely damn your god.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Why so much war and division? Religion And Wealth...
Editing stage: 

Comments

Loved the write though I thought it a little scruffy in places.
Not sure what to say other than what I saw.
The Theme is excellent,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you Ian, i'll have a go at smartening LOL. I love the comment scruffy, Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Strong piece that is written with an unique perspective. I like it but have a couple issues with the flow.

S3, L2 needs some punctuation to separate the two thoughts.

S3 and S5 have what appear to be questions. Do they need question marks or are they intended to be read as statements? If not, that is a very interesting poetic device.

Thanks for the write. Enjoyed it.

Scott

Scott

Thank you Scott, i have put a comma i line two verse three i hope this helps. But no question marks are needed, as yes they are statements. I again thank you for your comments and advice. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Scott knew where the scruffy parts were LOL.
We will see if you turn out to be a smart ass La La
Yours Sparrow, (Still love you though)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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