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Icy Road To Glory...

As he faced the frozen-land
he shivered in his shoes
Then he went forth, with icy hands
his toes were turning blue

Lost in the snow, turned back around
bearings wiped away
He didn't know, how to be found
he didn't know to stay

Snow-blind, frozen lips and chin
He stumbled on the lake
Some kind of sense , that he tuned in
he knew his life at stake!

Now he travels straight and true
toward salvation, and a fire
Straight ahead was all he knew
to the Frost King's funeral pyre

A majestic figure wreathed in flame
a crown of ice upon his head
A thundering voice called his name
Saying Jack, my boy you're dead

Jack said; “Oh no, you've got it wrong
I've come to say goodbye”
For my queen will be, not very long
to look you in the eye

The Frost King's face was frozen
his countenance clouded dark
He yelled; Bring her on, my friend
I'll listen to her bark.

That bitch won't ruin my fun and games
I've got three months to go
Her sisters; I forget their names
I'll bury them in snow

He raged and lightning glazed the land
the air was frozen stiff
Ice was formed beneath his hand
He crushed some lakeside skiffs

Fish froze mid-leap, from the lake
The wind blew hard and long
The trees on shore, began to shake
Frost King's breath was strong

Jack stood there through it all
Waiting for his queen
Frost King made an icy wall
And treated Jack real mean

Old Winter went mad and crazy
Touched Jack's stones with fingers cold
“Now go, try to drive Miss Daisy”
I'll show you I'm not “old”

He tortured Jack all season
hurled curses with the snow
The old man lost his reason
didn't notice a growing glow

The sky had been a steely gray
now it was turning blue
The frosty air of yesterday
suddenly felt new

Warmth began to make the Frost King
perspire and to sweat
Springtime's birds began to sing
and his feet were wet

No, he said; it's not yet time
I'm having so much fun!
My breath's still frosted, icy rime
The season's still not done

Jack's frozen grin began to thaw
his eyes beheld some green
My queen is coming; he said with awe
There will be a different scene

Butterflies and flowers
soon will come this way
The thought kept Jack alive
for yet another day

Now his eyes beheld the sight
of his warm and lovely queen
So different, as day from night
Best thing he'd ever seen

Old Man Winter was melting fast
His teeth were falling out
The days of snow and ice were past
Jack gave a mighty shout

No more fingers of snow and ice
Instead, I'll have warm arms
'Spring' will make me feel so nice
Using all her charms

She's fickle though, she'll dump me
For the season 'Summer'
I know that's how it will be
But it's not a bummer

I'm free of Winter's icy breath
Now, 'Spring' has finally come
No more feeling cold as 'Death'
My hands are warm, not numb

The skies are blue, I feel the sun
I can walk on greening grass
Old Man Winter on the run
From Springtime's warming blast

Alternate line:
He can kiss my ass!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

A great story and a pleasure to read, I am not even going to think of looking at the form or anything other than this was a story that held my tired eyes till the last words, rather him than me, LOL .
Take care,
Killer could be hiding in there,
with his icy stare,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I know that it needs a little working over, but I felt good enough about it to post.
Killer is hiding in there, but I'm having trouble getting him to show his face. Maybe now that he is warmed up, he will feel more like eating, heh,heh...Thanks again, Gee

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author comment

but the aspect of using words like, kiss my ass makes it less poetic , its rather an anti-climax after so much emotional adventure, you could take the last line off, and say something like ' he can take a long kiss goodbye "

the comment, and after thinking it over, I have decided to let the last line stand as is.
Far from being anti-climatic, the line says just what I intended! I am soooo sick of winter!
Thanks for the feedback, ~ Geezer

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keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

I'd have to agree with Emeka. That last line, while perhaps very true to what you feel and think, does kill a lot of the poetic atmosphere, abruptly turning your poem from an almost legend-like ballad, into a comedic sketch. :(
However, if that's how you prefer it, I will not gain-say the poet's wishes. ;D Always feel free to ignore the collective opinion.
And I am, also, sick of winter already. XD
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

Since I have re-read and read this, I can say that I do appreciate
the collective opinion and will give an alternate line to be used
be those that prefer it.

Old Man Winter's on the run
From Springtime's warming blast

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

IAN GEE DO U KNOW THE LATEST

he is very sick and probably won't be back.

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author comment
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