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icarus

her love lifted me to the Sun,
The heart-break moulted my wings,
i crashland into a sea of despair.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Icarus flew too close to the sun, not to angelic heights.
It spoils such a short poem.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I like this short piece, it affects me.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

You could have saved Icarus from falling, I read both the original and the edited piece and as Jess says it is the second version that s true to myth.
Yet another picture of heartbreak, we build things up and sometimes have to be there when they come crashing down.
The way is eternal, a good write!
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

it is considered polite to reply, or at least acknowledge, commentary given to your poem. You are welcome to disagree with critique given.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thanks to everyone who commented and I am sorry for not replying on time, I've been busy. So I should go with the second version right?

author comment

it just makes more sense. Just my opinion.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

The second version it is, thank you everyone. Cheers.

author comment
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