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I would have never shined

Submitted by Seren on Mon, 2023-02-06 10:13

You asked why I Love you,

I love you,
as the suns rays
caress the morning,
her fibrils of light
graze blades of grass
in the grace of dawn,
my tears fall in dew

as black consumes
my splintered spirit,
a skein of skyline
ruptured magnificence,
illuminating my gift
in wonder

shorn of your sparkle
I would have never shined

I’d have not discovered love
in the eyes of the fates,
never would I have felt
your breath in my hair

The shy flower,
I was the closed
speck of a mouth,
that seldom moved
miming minutes

but you seized my eyes
clasping them
to your core,
refusing their return
until I saw myself,
through yours

ever special
ever precious
ever cherished
I saw myself through your eyes

And you ask why I love you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I don't know what to call this one. That title was to fill the void.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

RoseBlack

Mon, 2023-02-06 17:18

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Such a descriptive and emotive way to say all the reasons you love someone! Your poems have such a gentleness and beauty about them! Well done!

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-06 20:46

Seren's picture

This was for the one man in my life who never let me down. Sad but true. In struggling with the title, not something that happens often.

Thanks for reading I am really appreative of the read and your generous comment. Hugs

Love always Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-02-07 05:14

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you had me from the first verse, you set the hook and I jumped to bite! you have such a way with words, enchanting and charming! I am so glad you have had someone like this in your life!

*hugs & love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:03

Seren's picture

So glad you liked this. I wrote the first draft and didn't like it so I started all over again. This wasn't a romantic love but it was a love that endured a whole lifetime until that person passed away. I miss their presence in my life everyday.

Hugs & love always Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Poets Hand

Tue, 2023-02-07 06:47

Poets Hand's picture

I've never thought of the sun as female before reading this poem. You have a way of opening my eyes to new sights, new visions, new vistas, new universes. I am completely enthralled by the way you play with words. (I think you toy with us). Your new sight-insight is the reflection of yourself through another's eyes. This is a gift and you share it with whomever reads this poem.

Congratulations on a masterpiece.

Poets Hand
Hannah

Seren

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:06

Seren's picture

In my mind the sun has always been female. I like to think, and this is just me, we woman give the gift of life and then nourish that life through their lives until they no longer need us. The sun acts in such a way. Life giving.

On the other hand a woman's wrath can be deadly as can the sun.

I am so happy you liked this one. I appreciate your thoughtful comment and read of my work.

Kindest regards

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2023-02-07 07:24

lovedly's picture

lovely dedication a world's Desiree
but two points need consideration
firstly SUN IS FIERY and around the world very much masculine the ASTRO GUYS will never accept it You may rethink and
second instead of shined may revert to shone
may refer Thesaurus
Your UNTITLED SIS
must be titled
to have such a one
is pure bliss

Seren

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:11

Seren's picture

Not that kind of love, this was a love that was everything but romantic. It may come across as such but it never was. Even after he asked me out a million years ago. I told him I loved him like a brother and he became that. Everything a brother should be, he was to me. He understood and accepted and supported me until his death.

Shone. Shined. I kept going back and forth between the two. I'll think on it. It's a good catch but one I am torn on.

Love and hugs

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2023-02-12 12:27

lovedly's picture

I have not yet fully shone LOL

Shined is as in USA English
Shone BRITISH UK incl Aussie Sis

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 12:52

Seren's picture

I am still considering it actually. It rolls of the tongue better for me as shined. I'll give it some thought.

Hugs Sis oxo

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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lovedly

Sun, 2023-02-12 13:29

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Don't miss as you will SHINE always

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-02-07 20:39

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That’s my suggestion for the title

This one is dope AF. The means cool as [expletive deleted]. Lol

Seriously though

The short stanza
“shorn of your sparkle
I would have never shined”

Isn’t that the answer to the opening and closing question.

??

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-02-07 20:42

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I would have never shined

Or

I would never have shined

Poets weigh in here please.
I still thinks that the title.

Tim

Seren

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:18

Seren's picture

Double post

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Seren

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:17

Seren's picture

I really love your suggestion for the title.

I normally have no problem with titles they just come to me but this one was stubborn.

I am so happy you think it's dope af. I knew exactly what you meant. Big smile. Another life another time.

It is an answer to the opening and closing ? I just hope I did my friend proud. This was a long overdue tribute.

Kind Regards

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Lightning Dust

Sat, 2023-02-11 00:09

Lightning Dust's picture

This is something else, something private and secretly held.

It's a goddamned masterpiece.

Blown my mind girl

Love L & J

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 13:31

Seren's picture

Thanks so much for the high praise I appreciate you taking the time to comment and read.

Love to you both OJ xoox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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lovedly

Sat, 2023-02-11 05:48

lovedly's picture

I have not yet fully shone LOL

Shined is as in USA English
Shone BRITISH UK incl Aussie Sis

CONGRATS you win shining

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 13:33

Seren's picture

Oh God shined and shone lol

You're always shining out here don't ever understate yourself.

Hugs xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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