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I wish I was the wizard

I wish I was the tin man
Out there cutting wood;
I'd rely upon the lube can
To keep my elbows good.
All day I'd task and toil
Until it's time for tea,
And then I'd take a squirt of oil
To keep my knee joints free.

I'd dream about a girlfriend,
My dreams then turn to dust;
I comprehend at daytime's end
I'm just a heap of rust.
I'll never find a maid of tin,
It's tearing me apart,
As when I search my soul, within,
I find I have no heart.

I wish I was a scarecrow
Out living in a lea.
But all the critters there, though,
Just jest and laugh at me.
I stand about with outspread arms
Scaring off the birds,
I'm seldom heard around the farms
I'm always lost for words.

I dream about a girl of straw
Lithe enough to squeeze;
My dreams then turn to chaff, and so
They blow off in the breeze.
I'll never get a spouse of hay,
My dreams swill down the drain;
I wouldn't know just what to say
I haven't got a brain.

I wish I was a lion, brave,
Roaring mighty roars;
Seeing off my foes to save
The world from mighty wars.
I'd spend my time a-prowling,
Vaunting round with pride,
Snarling and a-growling...
But all I do is hide.

I wish I had a lioness
To hunt and ply for me;
But that will never be, I guess ~
I'm cowardly, you see!
I have no courage for to ask
A feline for a date;
I have no luck ~ I have no pluck
I'll never find a mate.

So I wish I was the wizard
To save me from the storm;
My life is such a blizzard,
But who will keep me warm?
I long to be a magic man
The future I'd foresee...
But then again a better plan,
I'd rather just be me.

ASJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think this is the best I've seen from you yet! I'm partial to rhyme and it does have something to do with it; however, your title is great, the theme is really good and it flows well from beginning to end. Not a thing that I can see to change. Nice story and well executed! ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

everything comes at a price. Thanks for spending time on this Geezer. Being a writer of songs, rhyme can come easy, it is writing free verse which is difficult as I am hearing rhyming things all the time. I hope that you would rather be you than anything else.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

things I would change if I could but... Yeah, for the most part, I'd rather be me! I hear you on the free verse, sometimes it comes easy, but really, that's the way I feel when I'm trying to do free verse; I feel like I'm hearing it in rhyme, once I get into the mode though...Anyhow, again, nice work. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

what an amazing write.you have taken the time to think this through and it shows
one correction 3rd stanza typo wish not wash
lynn

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

lynn? I hadn't spotted that so thanks so much. I have put that right now so as not to sound 'wishy/washy'.
Thanks for reading and demonstrating why we all need each other.
I wish I was a poet..............................

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

but you are kind sir you are

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

This reads great, well constructed poem with a perfect ending. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thanks for taking time to read and write.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

but you often are EPICURIAL
as was poet Snowman

I think poetry should be about 20 lines max
to be concise to enjoy

What would you say
poet Alan

But I know and note what you mean.
Thanks for finding time to comment twixt your many thoughtful posts.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

I coined
epicurial
Alan
great poem

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