Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
I was thought out thinking
I was thought out thinking…
Think if you can travel as a thought,
being the spark that shares wealth with
those that have nought. Giving comfort
to the heart just broken, or great meaning
to the good person’s words spoken.
Halting those who roam with murder in mind,
creating something or someplace to reach
and teach all of Earth's creatures to be kind.
Discovering a way where no creature or plant
goes without.That we’d only ever eat enough,
never again wear our over indulgent snout.
But alas this is not within my power i fear,
I am but one with one simple idea. It would
take us all feeling the same way to make
it clear.
Helping us see what an absolute
this could be, if everyone tried thinking
about what they first thought.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Just thought i'd think about what i thought..
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
Seren
Sun, 2012-08-26 06:20
freestyling thoughts
ive read this a few times and each time i come away with another layer
I enjoyed this I know I will come back to it ... its just one of those poems
regards JC
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2012-08-27 02:35
Thank you,
Thank you, i'm glad to see you,ve thought about it. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentjudyanne
Tue, 2012-08-28 10:37
this is awesome roscoe
this is awesome roscoe
the idea behind it
I think it needs a tiny little cull, just to get rid of a few superfluous words
and also needs to be broken into stanzas – to make the reader stop and think after each thought (lol – no pun intended)
just my thoughts
Think if you can travel as a thought,
being the spark that shares wealth with those that
have nought.
Giving comfort to the heart just broken,
or great meaning to the good person’s
words spoken.
Halting those who roam with murder in mind,
creating something or someplace where all
(of us that are) creatures can be kind. – (lose the bracketed)
Discovering a way where no creature
or plant goes without.
That we’d only ever eat enough, never again
wear(ing) our over indulgent snout - (lose the ‘ing)
But alas I fear this is not within the power of me, (I’d say ‘my power’ – hang the rhyme for the proper syntax)
as I am just one and I fear we’d all have to
have the same way of thinking to see. (I’d also drop the ‘to see’)
but if you really want the rhyme
maybe something like
this is not within my power, alas I fear,
as I am just one and we’d all have to be
thinking the same thoughts as each of our peers
What an absolute this could be, if everyone
tried thinking about what they first thought
great finish
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-08-28 02:53
Thank you,
Thank you, I've played about with some of your ideas, haven't came to a final decision yet. Again i say thank you for your time and comments. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Thu, 2012-08-30 03:14
Judy,
Judy, i have applied some of the changes, though not in the way you suggested. I like to hide the rhyme a little, as i feel it is more enjoyable when worked for. I hope there are some who agree. Again i say thank you for your time and help. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentIan.T
Tue, 2012-08-28 09:29
Roscoe
The children in my book and on the tapes I have here, of me talking to them for hours. They talk words to me through someone else simply because, I don't think talk as they all do, it is the way of the universe.
They have to be taught how to speak in proper talk.
It is a great theme and we use think talk in other ways, and we have checked things, to prove that they can do many things.
I enjoyed your write it meant a lot to me,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-08-28 14:37
Thank you Ian,
Thank you Ian, I'm glad you enjoyed this poem. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2012-08-30 06:43
you should post this to the workshop
Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/mindful-memorable-freeform-challenge
Superb thoughtful poetry well written.
Let me know if you want to join
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2012-08-31 03:38
Thank you,
Thank you Jess, got a few pointers from Judy which helped. And yes i would like to join the workshop, being unfamiliar with workshops i hope all you veterans will go easy on me. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2012-08-31 03:53
I've added you to the workshop
now you need to into Edit, scroll down to the bottom and select Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge
then save.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry