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I Walk as an Image

Re-REVISED VERSION COURTESY STAN LEADER and Mark of Neopoet

I Walk as an Image
on the surface of the ocean
as did the Lord once
but
I am just an imagery
of a candle light
burnt by the Sun
cooled by the Moon
all day and night

all glare at me walking
but none wants to speak
a ghost am I
or just an illusion
can anyone knowledgeable
tell me
I beseech

I continue strolling on the surf
just across the beach
within your reach

come some one rescue me
if you want to read
more poetry of Neo's
Lovedly

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I have become lazy now that I can copy and paste lol. So I'll just post your poem with a few changes and let you decide if you like them or not.
I Walk as an Image
at the surface of the ocean
as did the Lord once
but
I am a mere image
of candle light
burnt by the Sun
cooled by the Moon
all day into the night

all see me walking
but none speak with me
a ghost am I
perhaps just an illusion
can anyone knowledgeable
tell me
I beseech

I continue
strolling on the surf
just across the beach
within your reach

come someone rescue me
if you want to read
more of Loverme's
poetry

after a long time you have come
o man
shall amend after some more read it
And of course all with you shall agree
So I will change it
thanks rgds
loverme

author comment

I was drawn by the title of the poem and liked the first stanza which is a poem by itself...
..................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

so nice of you
kindness urs

author comment

I like the progressive methodology of your poem Lovedly.
A few changes and it reads much better.
It sometimes does not take much.
There is room for more imagery in simile if you were looking for more. More imagery is always good.

I would take the word 'see' in 'all see me walking'
and think ; What is there to see?

Everybody walks alone sometime
And there are no others on this journey
To hold me as I am a ghosts reflection
Less than an illusion
I beseech
Could anyone know me?

It's a sad stanza but that's where you were going I believe.
If you try and replace words that refer to the senses or sense words then you challenge yourself to bring forth imagery by showing instead of telling.
Keep em coming,

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

Is it any better now
or you'd like to replace
'' glare'' also

author comment

I like it!

.
And that's how I see it,
Mark

just a word makes all the difference
but one ought to know which word
lol

author comment
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