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I Walk.

I walk where the weeping willow sweeps the soil
It hides me from the world, its where we all toil.
I cry, it will hide my tears, I hurt, it hides my fears.
Yet here I am safe from all troubles and cares.

Then that beauty of rain, hides my tears once again.
It sets me free to roam the world, to seek rainbows
A scattering of sunshine lights my world anew.
Where would I have been without the support of you?

I cannot free you as you always wanted to be
I have to stay within a sphere of my own reality.
What is that I hear carried on the gentle wind
The laughter of the children, there they sing.

If they would teach me all they know of happiness
Bless them, by angels wings they are caressed.
I think I shall become a child again, and learn to walk
I shall learn to laugh, and have some comfort talk.

I feel better now for talking to you with this song.
I ventured out with tears in my eyes, they are gone
I can once again walk with head held high.
Keep me so close, as you know that I can now fly..

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just a jotting for today xx
Editing stage: 

Comments

for letting us walk with you on a sentimental route touching all moods from mellow to upbeat...
..............................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

It's great to up and about, but it is the tears that sent me out of the shadows, as I will never cry alone.. Thanks for your visit,
Take care,
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

the Sparrow flies! It's good to hear from my favorite bird. I'm liking the rhyme and near rhyme of this poem. The mood swings sweetly as the bird sings of life. ~ Gee.
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Thank you for your company, yes I know I can fly but sometimes it helps to know how it feels to hug the Earth lol,
Yours as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

To keep perfect rhyme you could use toil as well as toils without it being forced. I think you did well in using such long lines and hope you keep your walks earthbound for a long time yet.....stan

Thank you for your visit, I always look forward to company on this pathway, though the children look out for me, and are here lots, I still love to walk with as many as possible here..
They haven't set a time yet for my return lol so I will walk on for as long as possible.
You take care and know we are but a thought away ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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