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I thought of you
Secluded streets in lamplight lie
awash with cleansing rain
awaiting dawn's first sigh
life has begun again
Concentric circles on pavement form
left by heaven's tears
the solitude of this night
forever cast in years
I watch the drops trickle down the pane
and thoughts are of you once again
so long I've heard you voice
memories did not leave a choice
My face in hands
I cannot hide
the tears that are the rain
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
Robert Tucker PhD
Tue, 2018-09-18 22:19
I Thought Of You
Beautifully done! Keep up the good work.
Shadowdancer3349
Wed, 2018-09-19 08:13
thank you
thank you
author commentRula
Wed, 2018-09-19 02:08
Shadow
all that I can say that you've an exquisite poetic voice.
Eloquent and elegant!
Thanks for sharing.
PS I think you wanted (dawn's) S1 L3
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Shadowdancer3349
Wed, 2018-09-19 08:13
rula
you are to kind yes I will repair that
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-09-19 04:50
Hi SD
these verses are a reflection of honest sentiments with excellent choice of words which lend it a feeling as well as mood ...
a nice poem with a genteel touch...
.........................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Shadowdancer3349
Wed, 2018-09-19 08:14
Raj
thank you once again
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2018-09-19 06:53
Hello
I almost never give suggestions for change on the first poem I read of a new member and see no reason to break this rule for this visual heartfelt poem.............stan PS if you want better feedback on future poems you should hit the "feel free to knock me on my back" option. Nobody will be rude or crude but you will likely get more commentary and better suggestions
Shadowdancer3349
Wed, 2018-09-19 08:16
Stan
thank you for the comment As a rule I do use the knock me on my back setting however this is about the night a loved one died
author commentEumolpus
Wed, 2018-09-19 22:08
I like your poem
creates nice atmosphere, a nice finish.
The only small distraction I had was "left by heaven's tears" ..just seemed a bit overused image and interferes with the tears in the finale.
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Shadowdancer3349
Thu, 2018-09-20 07:45
thank you
will think about that line
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-09-19 22:18
Very metaphorical poetry
left by heaven's tears....rains..!!!
the solitude of this night
forever cast in years
Shadowdancer3349
Thu, 2018-09-20 07:46
lovedly
thank you for reading as stated to Stan in my comments this was written after the death f someone very close to me
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-09-20 14:04
sad
my Mom's Smiles
wonder whether you have read it
has similar vein
Do read it it is posted here also
gregwa8
Thu, 2018-09-20 21:47
very beautiful. I really like
very beautiful. I really like the last lines, "My face in hands, I can't hide the tears that are the rain." I'm sorry for your loss.
Shadowdancer3349
Fri, 2018-09-21 18:53
Greg
thank you for the read comment and sentiments
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2018-09-24 13:33
I thought Stan's...
suggestions were right on target and wholly agree. Think of critique of a poem/work as being a message on the construction of it, not as the put-down of your emotional state when it was written. There are VERY few exceptions to this unwritten rule here! I'm sure that there isn't anyone here that would try to disparage the feeling of loss of a loved one! I don't know, I have never had the critique of something I've shared here, color the way I've felt about the person or the site. At any rate, nice work! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Shadowdancer3349
Thu, 2018-09-27 09:02
Gee
thanks for your input
author comment