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I Spied A Little Fly

Submitted by alidzain on Sun, 2014-09-21 14:07

I spied
a little fly
buzzing away noisily,
irritating me
as it flew
around my honeydew,
waiting to share my food,
trying to claim its loot

A moment later,
it doesn't matter
for its life ended
just like I intended
when I folded the newspaper
to be its killer.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lovedly

Sun, 2014-09-21 14:20

lovedly's picture

you have murderous tendencies do you

you killed a fly where...as you could have shared ...she could have been served... on the news paper with which you killed her
sections 12345 will be held against you ...where ever are you... only one call is due to you..... call your legal advisor....
if all humans kill flies they how will we all fly ... no lies flies have big eyes... they can be used as spies ...friend take care
you killed a fly ...but the judge will exonerate you...as you spoke the truth...
there's no hole in your truth

alidzain

Sun, 2014-09-21 14:24

alidzain's picture

thanks for the visit and comments.Good one.

Alid

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2014-09-21 14:28

lovedly's picture

for the inspirational poem
do read and comment
UR
NEOPOETS LEADING POET
DON'T THAT FORGET

alidzain

Sun, 2014-09-21 14:41

alidzain's picture

remind me if you see any good poem which I have missed out 'cos I can be a klutz sometime.

Alid

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2014-09-21 14:44

lovedly's picture

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-09-21 19:05

Ian.T's picture
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I have warned Digit that you are lethal with a newspaper, no need to become violent, they don't cook very well.
Saying that there is a lake in Africa where they capture thousands and make burgers with them.
I shall stick with Long Pig it is much easier to kill and cook lol.
A fun write there Alid and well formed,
Yours J Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

alidzain

Sun, 2014-09-21 19:19

alidzain's picture

burgers you say? blech! Maybe some information are not to be shared. Let's hope I forget it when I'm craving for a burger. yuck! uwekk!

Alid

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-09-21 19:23

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Just check, I don't think they export the things LOL
Lake Victoria ??
Have a great day out there its 00-10 am here.
Keep a watch for digit he's on the move LOL
Yours J Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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