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I lost the instructions
In life’s crises defeat
I walk alone in the dark
my heart is filled with emptiness
I am lost without the instructions
feeling like drowning in the ocean
Without a rescue of a given direction
come to a destination that left behind
with much confusion and worrisome
In times of doubt with many questions
I pray for an answer to lead
with a self-discovery
through a life of transformation
to grant wisdom and guidance
Shattered pieces come to heal
with a stronger mind and heart
from God’s grace bring to comfort
with hope and strength under his
shining light
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-08-20 19:13
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses metaphoric language to convey a sense of despair and longing for guidance. The theme of seeking divine intervention in times of crisis is well established and maintained throughout the poem. However, there are a few areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.
1. Consistency in Metaphors: The poem uses several metaphors such as "walk alone in the dark", "drowning in the ocean", and "shattered pieces come to heal". While these are powerful images, they could be more effectively used if they were tied together in a more cohesive manner. For example, if the metaphor of "drowning in the ocean" was extended and revisited throughout the poem, it could provide a stronger narrative thread.
2. Grammar and Syntax: There are a few instances where the grammar and syntax could be improved for clarity. For instance, "come to a destination that left behind" could be rephrased for better understanding. Similarly, "I asked for god’s prayer" might be better expressed as "I asked for God's guidance" or "I offered a prayer to God".
3. Rhythm and Flow: The rhythm of the poem varies, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. Consider revising the poem to have a more consistent rhythm, which could enhance the overall reading experience.
4. Use of Capitalization: The poem inconsistently capitalizes "God". As a rule, when referring to the deity of monotheistic religions, "God" is capitalized. Consistent use of capitalization can improve the professionalism and seriousness of the poem.
5. Show, Don't Tell: The poem could benefit from showing more and telling less. For example, instead of stating "my heart is filled with emptiness", the poem could show this through imagery or metaphor. This can make the emotional content of the poem more engaging and impactful for the reader.
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Hon
Wed, 2024-08-21 13:07
Revised
Ok, Al I have made changes from your feedback. Thank you
-Hanh
Hon
Wed, 2024-08-21 13:09
Revised
Ok, Al I have made changes from your feedback. Thank you
-Hanh
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-08-21 08:48
Hey Hon,
my favorite lines of this poem are:
Without a rescue of a given direction
come to a destination that left behind
with much confusion and worrisome
In times of doubt with many questions
because these lines are very easy to relate to.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Hon
Wed, 2024-08-21 13:06
Thank you, Candlewitch
Thank you, Candle witch for the constructive feedback.
-Hanh
Lavender
Wed, 2024-08-21 21:57
I Lost The Instructions
Hello, Hon,
A sense of detachment and feeling adrift, without instruction until receiving a divine transformation. Very nice.
Thank you!
L