Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

AS I LOOK UP

Submitted by Twizzle48 on Tue, 2022-09-13 11:20

AS I LOOK UP

As I look up and try hard to see
Some sort of meaning to this life
No extremes, like joy or strife
Days are just bland and mediocre
Off-white, like a bowl of tapioca
Was this how it was meant to be

As I look up and ever hope to see
Something edgy, not vague or soft
Maybe a prize that I can hold aloft
Or a sign that the future is bright
And everything will turn out right
Yet still I wait for that master key

As I look up I now start to see
The reason why the sky is grey
It’s my grief that filters the day
As I let this lens fall from my eyes
A new world it seems can surprise
And with the potential for ecstasy

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week Contest September 11th to September 17 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Jackweb

Tue, 2022-09-13 13:34

Jackweb's picture

Being thoughtful can truly give our lives meaning to life and help us to feel better about the world around us. Every living man ought to think about life. We could get some helpful answers to life within our hearts if only we maintain a guided meditations.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Lavender

Tue, 2022-09-13 19:46

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello, Twizzle,
I am impressed with your rhyme - especially mediocre and tapioca, which within this poem, go pretty well together in sound and meaning. Your title gives the feeling of hope and anticipation. I think the first and last lines of your final stanza fulfill the theme of the entire poem: "As I look up, I now start to see...the potential for ecstasy."
Thank you!
L

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-14 09:38

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

odd rhyme scheme, but once discovered, I followed it well. I too, like the near rhyme of mediocre and tapioca. I was looking for the question mark at the end of the last line of the first stanza. As much as I have gotten used to not having much punctuation at the end of lines; I still like and use exclamation points and question marks, I think it helps to give the proper emphasis to a line. Nicely done though. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.