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I Leave The Bathroom Lighter

Submitted by scooby on Tue, 2018-09-04 13:27

I've done it once, i can do it again
I've done it twice without a friend
I've done it 6 times in 3 days,
pauses, rewinds, cause delays.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
bullimia is a big problem, i have had an eating disorder and still sometimes struggle with it, i am alwat
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2018-09-04 18:50

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of your problem. I like the poem, but if you want to bring attention to Bulimia, you should mention it, because just reading the it, you cannot discern the reason for the poem. I thought your title was good, but I was about to make a joke about it. I was going to say; "Do you have a separate lighter for each room of the house? The near rhyme and the rhyme is good. Wish I could be more helpful, but that's all I have. [Do make it longer,] and let the reader know what the intent of the poem is.
.
~ Geezer.

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weirdelf

Mon, 2019-01-21 00:48

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I can teach you to survive drugs but not bulemia, it seriously fucks with your internal organs and makes your teeth fall out (the stomach acids).

It seems you didn't take on board your own message from the two DEVORCE poems.

If you think it might help at all you can PM me or email at [email protected]

I give you my solemn word of total confidentiality. Beyond even what a Doc or Shrink offers, I won't dob you in even if you threaten suicide or or murder.

You've got to trust someone.

cheers,
Jess
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