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I KILLED HIM (Suicidal Thoughts)

I'd have knit these words in princely tongues
And cloth it with royal attires,
But this is not me writing.
This is a beta version of me trying to reach out to you,
A mental state borrowing a familiar mind,
So I leave this long note.

Drey Hommies would say this is not a poem, that the line are unfit. You know it, you all know that at least, that he'd disagree a line has to be this long. That the flow is abject and the rhythm is lost and the structure is an injustice to poetry, I mean how can you combine prose and poetry?

It is not the line that's unfit,
But the cold world who turned what nature planted
Into standards, customs and cultures.
This is not me writing,
I mean this is just me,
A lower version of the beast.

Like a banshee, the man listened to all your murmurs,
The hearts that throbbed, they pulled him back.
Bibiana called exactly when he held the elixir in a cup,
Fighting the urge not to throw it down his throat.
The almost insignificant tiny voices from well wishers,
The judgmental people up to the point of death,
The hardened critics that links all misfortunes to religious unbelief,
Yet nothing was realer than atheism.

Theist and atheist die alike,
More theists had fallen to suicidal thoughts
Yet his was notorious,
Many said God killed him,
But death is not a thing, neither is it a state of mind,
It is just a state of nothing and we've faced it.

Behind him, the reason to carry on
Wasn't as gigantic as the mountain of reasons to give it all up in front of him.
People tend to point fingers instead of stretch a hand to lift up,
They blame the supernatural for everything
And entertain prayers instead of seek solution,
But prayers don't build a dream, finances do.
It doesn't cure diseases, medication does.
Faith doesn't alleviate hunger, food does.
People suck, but not all of them.
He already lost the essence of life,
It was the best choice among choices
But typical of Hollywood,
David likes beating Goliath.

But Drey Hommies is dead! I assure you,
I killed him, I'm sorry, I had to.
I couldn't let you win at our expense,
I had to end his pains,
sooner or later I'll join him.
He was too just to poetry,
Too principled for freedom
Too loyal to the art and disloyal to his heart.

I am his heart,
The one who suffers his sadness.
The one he throws the harsh alcohol on
Whenever one of you break us.
The one that suffocate whenever he can't breath
Because he's angry and punching the wall.
The one that inhales the toxic smoke of marijuana
And withstand the angry reactions of triggered hormones,
Whenever he tries to alleviate his pains,
The one that go through injuries fighting narcotics,
Because he tries to suppress your horror with pills.

He has permitted me to say this last words, that
'Demons are people
Angels are people too'.
He said a lot of great things though before leaving.
He said "Life is only beautiful on pictures".
It left a clue you never noticed that
The solitary poet played his own scenes with other people's faces.
"The world is too noisy, because everyone wants to be heard"
"Everyone wants to shade light to what is wrong or right".
He said them, but
People are too busy with their fortunate lives that nobody pays attention.
He said a lot of things in such a short while
That you begin to wonder if he forgot the part that said
"Soldier! Hit the floor and run,
Let the force of your landing leave a mark on the sands of time",
Or "Pluck blessings from the petal of your curses"
And "Place a foot in front of the previous and move on".
He inspired life into us to take it from himself.

He couldn't!
I killed him.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


come back to this. I promise. ~ Geezer.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

up very good arguments against yourself! I like that you take both sides in the third person. I would like to correct your spelling mistakes, but don't have the time now, because I have limited time on the computer right now, due to eye injury. I'm glad that only one of you had to die. ~ Geezer.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

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