Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I hope

When I said "I hate you", I meant to say I admire your enthusiasm

Sometimes I think that you've caught on
Other times I even think that you might like me
But most of the time I know that you have no idea what you put me through

You see, I see your face in every cloud
Wish for you every 11:11
Think of you at night hoping you'll appear in my dreams
Hear your laugh whenever I'm supposed to be having fun

You pushed me up into the heavens and told me to stay,
And although I know it was to protect me from what was below, I can't help but feel so far away from you

Maybe it's nothing at all or everything at once
Whatever it is I hope it never goes away
I hope you feel giddy when your phone pings
I hope you call just to see my face
I hope you're obsessed over me like I am over you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

What on earth does "Wish for you every 11:11" mean? Eleven minutes past eleven? Puzzling!

[This is a duplicate account of Edna Sweetlove and been permanently suspended]

Yeah, im not sure how common it is but its sorta like a superstition that you can wish for stuff on 11:11

-- piplup

author comment

The 11th of November 1918 at 11.00h was when WW1 ended. Maybe that's the reference.

[This is a duplicate account of Edna Sweetlove and been permanently suspended]

Hi piplup, this is a good prose poem. There's hope, sadness and many good images. I would try to streamline it a little for it to be a poem. Just remove extra words and so on.
The theme and title are to my liking, maybe the spacing would improve if you were to tweak out some of the extra parts.
Yes, Dandini is right. Were you thinking of WWI? Maybe it's been used so often that many have forgotten its significance.
Enjoyed reading, bring on more. All the best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Hey, thanks for commenting! I can definitely see what you mean and I'll try to work on that. Although no, like I said I was thinking of the superstition

-- piplup

author comment

I agree, pare it down a little and it will be great! I never heard of that superstition, but then again, I know some that you wouldn't know; seeing as how I am that much older than you. Keep it up, you are showing great promise. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.