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I Have Seen Death

Submitted by Mr joghe on Wed, 2022-08-31 21:35

I’ve found more bitterness
The burden of vanity
Everlasting depth I have seen
That killed than death.

I’ve seen more deaths in the earth
In their mouths are toxicant,
They’re beautiful and sweeter than death
Though, through them the paradise was lost
By their lust for fruit
And whatsoever their hearts desired
Kept not from them
They’re the tiny speck on men’s eyes
Madness that bestow upon men’s hearts.

I’ve touched that vanity
By their softie, paradise was gained
The crook which cannot be made straight
Yea, I hate life for all is vanity.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The deaths are the women... and the story relates with a biblical allusion. Eve in the garden of Aden.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week Contest August 28th to September 3rd 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Celso G. Tertins

Sat, 2022-09-10 23:21

Celso G. Tertins's picture

i love the illustration of the many forms of death more than the passing of one's body. spiritual death, emotional deterioration, the hardening of the heart. the biblical allegories add a nice touch. well done. a proper poem.

Mr joghe

Sat, 2022-10-01 17:25

Mr joghe's picture

Thank you for the comment...

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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