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I Hate

Submitted by lou on Fri, 2011-01-21 20:40

I hate therefore I am
I seethe with pure emotion
And bile.

Enemy at the gate
Don't set foot on my territory,
You'll regret it.

I have a huge capacity for love
But please don't rip me apart
And fake it,

If you really love me then 
Then there is no fear.
Do't let someone else trespass, on our love

If you cheat you won't recover, 
My wrath will be unleashed,
For a woman in pain can't be tamed.   
  

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I thought that I would experiment with Jack Kerouac's, method , or you could say his theory, that when writing , first thought is best thought.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:13

lou's picture

It is ok, i don't bite lol

thanks

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2011-01-22 07:21

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

really enjoyed this write - I can feel and understand the hate painted vividly in this one.

The opening stanza was sublime...a great introduction to the piece. That stanza grabs you and makes you want to keep reading.

I didn't think this stanza quite worked, but I don't really have a solution, but it is the last line that kind of confuses me:

If you really love me then
Then there is no fear.
If you let someone else trespass.

Enjoyed the write - keep 'em coming!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

lou

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:22

lou's picture

Dan,

Wow, i must have written something worth while, for a change, lol

thanks so much.

The last stanza, refers to the person needing to be faithful, i'll take a look and sort it out.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:24

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

it is the fourth stanza, not the last one. The last one is fine.

HS

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Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

lou

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:32

lou's picture

It was a slip of the keys. you know me and typos

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

lou

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:50

lou's picture

thank you

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:40

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou, Lou
The typo Queen
She types her words
But we have no idea what she means

Lou, Lou
The Typo God
She types her words
As if she types using a cattle-prod

regards,

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

lou

Sat, 2011-01-22 08:48

lou's picture

How very dare you. lmao

Dan, Dan the cheeky sod

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2011-01-25 11:57

Candlewitch's picture
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If you cheat you won't recover,
My wrath will be unleashed,
For a woman in pain can't be tamed.

So very true! A most powerful poem which says a lot about the kind of strength you have!

love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lou

Tue, 2011-01-25 13:59

lou's picture

Woe-betied any man who thinks its ok to do the dirty on a woman,

thanks

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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