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I had to crawl

painstakingly through the
empty halls of
Hilbert's hotel

it had line after line of doors
and the tiles were arranged
in infinitely intriguing patterns

my room number was
about a thousand past
two to the fifty-second power

if another infinite bus comes along
will they ask me to move
or will i stay in room 2^52+1314?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Perhaps lost on some.

The title is good. I would make it the first line of the poem, too.
I like your language use, but this

"2^52+1314?"
Might be lost on some people too.
"two to the fifty-second power plus thirteen fourteen", perhaps?

I like the cadence, it flows well.

The beginning of the poem should have the title as the first line, and I just talked about the ending.
Internal logic is consistent.

Man, that's one big hotel!
Good one, keep them coming.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

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