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I DID NOT CHANGE, BUT LIVED

Lilith handed mother a tasty apple
That pleases like tongue on this shooting nipple
And though through thorns and thistle and tares I rived
I did not change, but lived!

I couldn't cut through the clouds called 'horizon'
Only bitter eyes of frumpy kids that run
Whose parents fell in the lasting wars aggrieved
I did not change, but lived!

From devout Alter boy to God terminator
From fragile fearful fan to valiant gladiator
From sad sulking school boy society disbelieved
I did not change, but lived!

The rumour is humour, the terror a pleasure
That I lost the hearts for lust in arts inferior
Exegesis to savage narratives believed
I did not change but lived!

If these be hearts then in this card table I ace
I relinquish this wordy throne, I quit the race
Musty poets turned the game to boring solitaire
Plunge a sabre to a heart, reap a soul they dare.

But to be edified a legend must survive
And survive I must, I do not change, but live!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

really strong use of repetition of the very strong message. Great language and power.
A good one!

(Try it without this...

The rumour is humour, the terror a pleasure
That I lost the hearts for lust in arts inferior
Exegesis to savage narratives believed
I did not change but lived!

I think the poem works better without it, there's too much going on in this stanza...like "arts inferior"... but don't explain what you were going for here, it needs to work by itself in the poem..)

But really Drey, a fine fine work with a very powerful presentation..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I'll rectify where necessary

Hommies

author comment

rich language and imagery. I really like the idea, "I did not change but lived." got me looking up Lilith and revelling in your (the speaker's) journey. a great write.

Thanks for coming around

Hommies

author comment
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