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I crossed the sand

It tried to drag at my feet
Then the ocean
Tended my needs
The rippling surge

Crossing over toes
Caressed my ankles
Wetting my shins

The art of falling
As if to welcome
The insistent waves

To caress my body
Floating forward
Feeling the choppy tide

Caring not to breathe
A cool acceptance
Freedom of an Ocean

Holding my frame
Firm yet ignoring me
Seeming to laugh

I paused to look back
Then strove to be released
Becoming part of the whole

No cares to buoy me up
The Ocean cleansed my ways
I will not have to endure

A misery of being without form
I am now part of the whole

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Walking into the Ocean???
Editing stage: 

Comments

Once again a terrific writing experience made you really think very good.

Mario Vitale

A place I would wish no one to go, it is the end of being for those that go there.
It takes such desperation to walk across the sands and keep walking until the Ocean makes you part of its being.
I hope I captured the way of things, though it is quite hard for me to walk that way it is out of my comfort zone.
Suicide is a gesture of defeat, an attempted suicide is a cry for help, this poor creature didn't need any help.
Take care and great to have you visit,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Left me with the popular proverbial truth "time and tide wait for none? Not sure if i read this correctly...

a pleasure read

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

This is thinking outside of our boxes,
The walking and final destination is not in my ways.
There are some in the world that believe that they are past need.
This is just a fictitious thought from another world,
Thanks for your visit..
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Wow its amazing. I felt myself there.

Bravo !!! Amazing work of art

Love always Jaughter xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

You must never go there, it is of a person walking into the sea, where they can only find the peace they think they have lost.
Thank you for your visit, this being that had reached the end of everything, and rejoiced at becoming part of the whole, is not for either of us we have to much to live for in everyday things.
You take care and know I will walk with you always, Yours, Da xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

now send this as a letter
if you can convert it into an
epistle
not pistle
google
for difference
Jun competition

Sometimes a person that wants to end their life will leave a letter, but not sure in this case.
Not sure what to say otherwise, thanks for your visit.
I am fine just miss a few people from the before times but this has always been so, and I am in no hurry to journey on..
Take care young Bard, and thanks for your visit as always..
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

then regrets come
all your way
do longer stay

Ain't in no hurry to journey on so not to fret, you and me have lots of things to do before we pack in.
I expect there is a caller some place shouting out the numbers like number 9 your time is up, no-one can ever say when he will call lol.
You take care young Bard we have writing to do amongst other things,
Yours as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Last night I had a dream
the guy did Number 9
loudly scream

since both of us have the same digits
9 ...
one single the other double
the guy didn't know
which one would come
so he decided to roll back
the drum
again a digit came
999

neither was it u nor mine
so 'tis fine
some more on NEO we have time
have you come
under the Umbrellah poem of mine
no.... well may still READ it
the guy has given you more time
off mine

The first part of this poem reminded me it has been too many years since I've been to the ocean. But the latter part assured me that my time to merge with it is not here yet. I think stanza 5 could use a bit more work but that's just an opinion

I have had a quick play with the 5th,
not amendment, but Stanza..
I hope this is a bit better on your ears, the original words were too big, not subtle enough..

Caring not to breathe
A cool acceptance
Freedom of an Ocean.
Thanks for your visit and good recommendation,
Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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