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I ARISE

My bed is made,
curtains drawn,
daylight is here,
night has gone.

Brushed my teeth,
splashed, wow my face,
I begin
with morning's grace.

Tea has been served
warmth on a wintry day.
Sun is not yet in sight,
perhaps on its way.

The Metro halts in precise restraint,
resumes again at an arrows speed.
Thousands commute by it,
as a distinct travelers creed.

I stay at home,
enjoy the morning
birds singing,
calling out in the wake of dawning.

It is just another marvelous day,
maybe something special could happen
Ah! today. only as the day does unfold,
real truth will be boldly told.

Good morning everyone,
have a great day.
Speak wise words
Happy and sound you'll stay.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

you have mislabeled this poem as being free verse. I do see some irregularities in your meter and a little is all right, but I feel compelled to point out a couple of places that might be improved. I would eliminate the word [offering] in the third stanza and change the word [with] in the line: "The Metro..." to [in]. Little things that will make it smoother and I am sure that you can find others. Still, nice job, I get the idea of a peaceful weekday morning, looking out the window while having breakfast. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I can't comment as to type of poetry, just the feel and some other things.

IMHO, you have put some thought into this. very nice piece, sounds like a nice morning, perhaps on the deck outside, watching the squirrels steal from the bird feeder, sunshine abounding.

Would only suggest in S6 that you keep to the four line stanzas that are evident in the rest on your piece.
"Ah! today.
only as the day does unfold,"

could be :
Ah! today.... only as the day does unfold,

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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your kindness
all the way
you display
thanks

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