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I Am Peregrine

I wish he never existed,
with that killer instinct
he had for our love.
Narcissism at its worst!
If he could not have it
how could we?

To pounce on innocent feelings,
flood her face on a sunny day
with the sadness of
our one and only good-bye
made for a pride
only his likes could feel inside.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Thanks Mike.. I've written about this many times so what's once more :~)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

for what he snuffed out that bastard!
So it is thought of him saying it with a delusional pride - Narcissism

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

author comment

in many ways in the past.
Ya learn something new every day, yes?
Especially hanging around here with poets like Michael.

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

author comment

Mark and Teddy - blushing here - jeez, but thank you both for the kind words!

I love the beauty of the word peregrine as well. I also like the yin of your poem to the yang of my piece. As I studied the word before using it, I was stuck by the dual nature its' meaning could imply - a predator, and/or a creature known for circuitous flights - or wandering.

The venom expressed is palpable in this piece - intense write well executed! And, of course, I like the title as is!

Cheers

Michael Anthony

about the beautiful predator, especially when we are predators ourselves and many of us love our own hunters (cats and dogs)?

This is a great line: "to flood her face on a sunny day" - so vivid that it captures both the actual event and the feeling. Also love internal rhyme wherever I find it (s. 2, l. 4). I think the poem would be stronger without the direct expression of your feelings (s. 1, l. 1 and last stanza). I feel like the rest of the poem makes your feelings clear and does it in a more impactful way.

As for the title: I like it as is. I feel like the "I Am" has the sense of sense of royal entitlement you suggest in the line about narcissism. I am reminded of "L'etat, c'est moi."

it was in question from the first I decided on it..
Thank you.
Also I had a struggle with the use of this wonderful predator as a metaphor as well but decided to take the jump so to speak.

Thanks again,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

author comment

The use of the Peregrine predator is fine with me.
My only crit is that the use of [they] in the first line
makes it a little wobbly. I would use [he] instead. Some deep stuff! ~ Geez.
.

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Thanks Gee.

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

author comment

the audacity of that falcon

Chrys

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Hi, Mark,
I feel the disdain here. Strong, concise language. Very good! My guess would be that with each time you write this, it evolves into a more precise poem. Peregrines are truly amazing predators - great title.
Thank you!
L

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