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I AM NOT IN BONDAGE

I am not in bondage,
I am only a sage,
A slave to my freedom
Knowing nobody died for me
Nor will I die for any
The world throw pebbles on my wisdom.

I revel in the revelation of your mystery,
Yet your own confusion rile to infinity.
I am born of no woman,
It is no misfortune, indeed
You get what you need,
then earn what you can.

Life is sufficient for all,
Everyone is blessed with a mind after-all.
Some chose to worship,
Others chose to be worshiped,
Virtue and charisma are earned not shipped;
When I write it is a letter from his lordship.

Religion whet your edge
Y'all wet under and cum of age
Believing in principalities and power
Whilst belief is in itself a strong wine
You drink to stupor and wanton and whine
As time spiral down decay's lane you expire.

This race must race,
This race must hasten her pace,
The terrains are smouldering
I feel the pain,
I see no star through my window pane
The witty aren't waxing.

There is no misfortune nor ill-luck,
'Tik-tok, tik-tok' talks the clock,
There is nothing deserving reverence.
If you are devout, worship me, fools!
If I blaspheme provoke your Gods to kill me, fools!
There is nothing deserving reverence.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Really a delicate piece you have written here.
Touches the very fabric of one's inner existence with real proof of love.
Your words penetrate the heart toward peaceful feeling easy flow regarding your poem
Care free words in exquisite taste & form.

Mario Vitale

as you know I am a fan of your work. In particular, I like the "stance" you present in most of your work.
This poem has several stunning passages. But is also has too many grammar issues (world throwS, rileS, the mind playS, etc)
I feel this particular piece lacks cohesion. The first stanza is amazing, gets us immediately involved.
As I proceed I get lost...who are you not born of woman...ok you're a god...who, where? what is the race? the lordship? etc.

Life is sufficient for all,
Everyone is blessed with a mind after-all.

The repetition of "all" does not work, and this casual approach is not consistent with the poem.

Reading on I feel poem becomes too abstract. for example I do not understand this image
"The mind only play 'fooly' to tick the clock" which might be written
"the mind only plays "the fool" to tick the clock"
but it is still incomprehensible to me, and there are always two ways of looking at it. Either the reader has insufficient intellect to absorb the poem, or the poet has not offered the reader enough
internal logic to understand, in a poetic sense, the poem. In this case I would like to assume it was the second case...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

whilst not fully understanding all the content.

I am an atheist and a skeptic, I am Ananansi and irreverent, no respect for many and even they are flawed. I am not smart enough to understand everything yet I know what is wrong, evil and mean.

We come from very different cultures yet have much in common.

I agree with Eumolpus that the work could use some editing.

cheers,
Jess
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