Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I Accidently Broke A Heart...

She looked so sad and lonely
Her sisters beautiful and bold
I saw it in her eyes
Her spirit said; She's cold

Iced in rivalry with beauty
And lost engagement of wit
She wandered on the battlefield
Her mouth dry, she couldn't spit

I was struck by the defeat
That leaked out from her eyes
I saw the sibling lash marks
Though they did it in disguise

I touched her accidently
While she was giving me my food
An instant I let linger
To let her know, I saw her mood

Startled, like some prey
Discovered by the hounds
She opened up her eyes
Prepared to leap and bound

Relax, my little fox
I see where you are hidden
I'm passing by in secret
The hounds remain unbidden

And so, our little secret
Continued every day
The vixen and the stranger
Our little game to play

She brightened up and smiled
Whenever I came in
Her sisters noticed her and I
And her private little win

Then one day, while not at work
I thought that I'd stop by
I ordered up my usual
When she gave a little cry

I didn't know what caused it
Until I saw her eyes alight
On my wedding band of gold
Hereto out of sight

I didn't mean to fool her
But the damage done
Now as I left the store
I heard her sisters having fun

How silly you must feel
Did you really think it true
You're not beautiful like us
Why would he like you?

I think about that day
Every now and then
I wonder if she remembers
'Cause I never went back again

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
True story
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

you sure put a great amount of effort in your very amusing poem. It's uncomplicated, therefore a pleasure to read. Just correct this line and you'll have a winner. "The[n] she gave a little cry" A fun read. Thanks. Jerry

>
>
>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

not meant to be funny, although I can see how it might be misconstrued as such. A real life kind of Cinderella thing I guess.
It was a little sandwich and salad shop Greek, I do believe. There were three of them and the father and mother. Two of the girls, were elder by a couple of years and the youngest was around sixteen? She was the plain one; not what you would call ugly, but the others were very pretty and very obviously Amercianized. She on the other-hand, not so much and just plain. I felt very bad after that. I was sad that I had given her sisters more ammunition to use and never went back. I hope that she was a late bloomer and outshone her sisters and got herself a handsome man and slapped the shit out of those sisters!
~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

Oh geezer, I see a sister.making fun of her sibbling who had the hots for you. What could have been?

Love your beautiful title, it's really powerful to pulling in your reader.

Thank you...Teddy

feel bad for her. It was a hopeless situation. I was already married and had no intentions, especially as I was in my early forties and she only a babe of around sixteen. Although, I would imagine that the parents would have been glad to have a suitor like me, as such things are routinely done in some countries. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

when an old y falls or marries a youngly
then after a few years
'others read the library book
it happens in many counties '
don't now worry
she must be enjoying
with many

accidently hmmm no such thing
you went for the underdog good for you
your little story is sad though

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

I didn't mean to bring hurt to that girl. ~ Gee.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

Hi, Geezer,
This is so tender, but what is most endearing is that it has stayed with you all these years. I agree with Chrys. You have a very kind heart.
Thanks for this one!
L

I have done my damages in my youth. I was careless and only had regard for my own heart. After having gotten torn up, I now understand what I should have known all along. "Kind hearts bear scars". Thank you. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

My heart breaks for her and for you.

What if ... ? My brother this is poetry.

Applause well done. Bravo !

I cannot mess with perfection.
.
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

to make sure, that everyone knows that I didn't wear my wedding band while I worked, because I worked with some volitile chemicals and they would get beneath it and burn my finger. So I took it off while working and of course, never put it back again until after work and my hands were free of said chemicals. When I stopped in on my day off, I had it on. I never realized until the hurt in her eyes, that she was that serious or I would have found a way to let her know way before that. ~ Gee.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

I enjoyed your story telling very much. Your style brought on a fine visualization of the events.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

Just my usual style, but I try to give my stories as much sharpness as I can; seeing as how they are about everyday life.
~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.