Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Hypomaniac

I’m a cheese wedge head
all bone and dry gizzards,
green and yellow.
I’m one big shiver
with a goon by my bed
whispering in my ear.
I know you’re there
get the fuck out of my hair
and my broken world
where my thoughts burn
and I crack even more
until the front crack
meets the back crack
and I become a total whack
like my molester predecessor
uncle Jack.

Jack went fishing for fish
but really wanted pearls.
I myself prefer older girls
who wear six inch spiked heals
to shove through my heart.

Please help me here
I’m falling apart.
Never mind, do not enter
this elevated maniac squinter!
I live on quick oats.
I'm blown away anyway.

Those burn out ways
like the remnants of love’s lover
that motherfucker
who won’t go away.

My memory will stay
until the end.
God damn it God
press backspace,
return me to back-in-the-day.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

title! it speaks volumes. Yes, it seems eternally - internally consistent. Was the [heals] meant as written and therefore having a hidden meaning? Or was it just a typo? A very good piece of work. ~ Geezer.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I believe that should cover the heals.
'heals' was like an understood thing maybe mostly used around these parts? I really don't know. But I think it's meaning is clear now.

Another reason to love (or not love) the English language. Ha!

Mach2

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

author comment

heels as in shoes, and then heals as in "healing' a broken heart!
~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I wanted to say spikes but would lose the rhyme and maybe get into another problem lol.
Thanks

Mach2

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

author comment

Wanting toughness perhaps finfing softness, wishing for different, finding anger.... wow! All of that inside this piece. A strong piece.

Yea, a hypomanic is all over the place when in that state of mind.
Thanks for stopping by,

Mach2

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

author comment

Try where even the sun frowns and burnt instead of burn. other than these minor things this is a good rant against cruel fate

You and Gee gotta be among the best at crit.. on the site. The kind every poet loves. Just a word and ideas start to come into mind.
Thanks,

Mach2

Free membership is a great deal but if you wish for the best deal look here:
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

author comment

about the best, but I try hard to give the best I can. You deserve it. ~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.