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Hurt

There is such soaring hurt
in how I feel for her,
for at the end the ecstacy
of life we have together
will turn to dust
and every moment spent
will come to nothing more
than haunting memory.

The agony of truth
is that a hundred years
will not be enough,
that the drug of her
still flowing through
my veins will not weaken
in every wrenching second
I spend without her.

I would ask my Gods for death,
to kill me long before
her own time comes
but I cannot condemn her
to the crushing grief
I will have when she is gone
for knowing she is alone
would be the greatest pain of all

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love the emotion, the flow of words and the honesty in this piece.

Death to me is not the end
but a new beginning
and an end to mortal pains
as our spirits are sent flying,
freed from the confinements of the flesh
to begin a new journey.
Then the truth will be revealed
and then we will see,
all that turns to dust
are the shells we were in
but the real us will last
along with memories we bring

Alid

Glad that you enjoyed this.
Damn, this is a good poem, in your comment. Spot on - I've watched enough people die to know that what is left behind is a mere shell of flesh. Yousay it with such beauty in words.
Thanks my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Beautifully recognizable written sometimes it is difficult to accept
Thank you for sharing

Beste regards

Pattra

Yes, the pain inherent in the love you have for someone is often difficult to face.
Thank you for reading and enjoying.
And please, call me Jim - all of my friends do.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Parting with a loved one is always painful even though it is up to destiny to decide who parts first from this world. Yet this poem has lot of empathy which is a true reflection of the love for the spouse. Made good reading for me.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for your enjoyment. I must say that I don't think about losing her very often, for death really doesn't mean very much to me - been there, done that!
But when I do think about it, I cannot help being afraid of being without her, if you see what I mean.
Thanks again!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Yes Jim I appreciate how you feel about that.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I couldn't sleep so I was stalking stream just reading and then I found this, critique wise there isn't anything constructive I can offer.

I will say I sobbed when I finished reading so deeply I was affected.

This is a testament to your love I am jealous but I'm thankful one of us has this kind of love in their life

Bravo my friend a spectacular poem, its been many months since a poem has drawn such raw emotion from me

Much love always Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Long time never hear from you. I will agree with you that this piece describes the kind of love many of us envy. Let's hope that we'll be lucky enough to find it here in this life, a love that will last a long, long time.

Alid

You make me smile in the midst of my sadness.

I have said nothing to you about what has happened to your relationship. I figure its really none of my business, and what could I possibly say to you concerning it?

But of course, I DO have something to say.

He's an idiot, you are better off, and there's someone out there, waiting for you.

Enough said.

;)
Thanks for your enjoyment, my friend.

love you, sister.

<<<<big huge enormous virtual hug>>>>

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Is a taste for vengeance, you could probably develop that. If she dumped you the wish for continuing life for her is lame, she would probably not be tortured. She would probably get a new fuck quick-smart.

The prosody is excellent, no crits there.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

You're quite right - vengeance is a part of my soul, something that is deeply satisfying, and pursued against my enemies with relish, and anticipation of their demise.
A part of my pagan soul, I suppose.
However, this woman is not an enemy, nor a simple fuck. Nor will she "dump" me, as you assume. And neither will I her; she is my mate, my lover, my comrade, compatriot and best friend, one of the few people that I consider to be actually, really human in a world full of rats that walk on two legs. I find it interesting that you would make that assumption and touch on that impossible possibility. Forgive me, but I am one of those strange, anachronistic individuals who believe that putting a ring on a woman's finger means more than just free access to sex until one or the other grows contemptuously bored and leaves.
She feels the same way. If she didn't, I would not have married her.
It is difficult to admit, but after two plus decades of life with her, I doubt I could function very well in her absence, although, to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.
It can be very difficult, to hold somone's else's life more precious than your own.
That's what she is.
Thanks for reading, Jess.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

thank you you for not taking offence.
The great loves of my life, and there have been many, have all ended badly. They have been intense, passionate and wonderful but my 'defects of character' to use a euphemism for mental disorders of a charismatic nature, have destroyed them.
I am not cynical, it gladdens my heart to to read of love such as yours, beautifully written without trite sentimentality.
It gladdens my heart even more to see you posting, you are one of my favourite poets here.
I hope your health is improving.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I only take offense in what you say when it is not passionate, heartfelt and honest. Even if its wrong!
My friend, I expect this in-your-face honesty from you; I would have it no other way; it is who you are, brother.

>>Large virtual hug<<

and yes, I'm doing better!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

It's been awhile since I have read and enjoyed one of your offerings, but this on makes up for that in spades! A more sincere and tender tribute would be hard to find. You have captured emotions here that many of us envy, and done so in a way that is delicately balanced with strength and integrity! Bravo my friend!

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