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I slowly limp up to your form
lying still in final peace
then lay my hand on flank still warm
'twas I who caused your heart to cease

At such times my feelings always mix
sadness and joy, pride and regret
an ended life which I can't fix
a moment which I won't forget

But life always preys on life
your end came near instantly
a release from inceasing strife
I guess this is as it should be

I heft that heavy antlered head
thank you for giving me your all
replayed event runs through my head
just as it does 'most every fall

Another hunt ends with success
I think of all the ones before
each different but the same I guess
free range meat from nature's store

Then I arise on legs grown old
for now the work has just begun
a half mile drag in air that's cold
but turning warm in morning sun

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
An attempt to capture the many feelings from a successful hunt
Editing stage: 


I have never hunted (or wanted to!) but I felt the emotion you are trying to convey. The title is succinct and accurate. I particularly liked the flow and rhythm. Well done!

Hunting isn't for everybody that's for sure. For myself I go into the woods as much to be there as to hunt but occasionally a suicidal deer comes along and furnishes me with both an excuse to wile away so many hours among nature and also some all natural meals for the table. I am very pleased that even a non-hunter was able to enjoy this poem. Welcome to Neo by the way and thanks for visiting my page..................stan

author comment

I think if it ever came to my having to hunt and gather for myself, I would live on veges and leaves – I can’t bear to kill anything, except cockroaches – I really can kill them yuk

I feel unwell when I think of animals being hunted - even by each other

great write stan
almost perfect meter
have another look at the following lines

‘At such times my feelings always mix’
‘But life always preys on life
your end came near instantly
a release from inceasing strife’

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

We all have canine teeth so hunting is probably a natural tendency. But for those who don't hunt I hold no ill will. As for me, there's a whole lot more to the hunt than the kill . I am lucky to even see a deer each time I go and usually only pull the trigger once or twice per season.
Now to the poetry lol. I'll review those lines and see what I can do with them. Appreciate your input as always...............stan

author comment
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