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Hunting Dinner...

The wandering soul of the avenger
bent on making right
An oath of honor sworn to
carries us through the night

The swirling fog does hide us
as we make our way
To do the thing we came for
hidden from the day

Oh, woe to you, my brother
can't I turn you back
when is enough, enough?
Can you leave this evil track?

His ears are closed to argument
and although his brother pleads
There's a thing that drives him on
and caters to his needs

Killer, stop this madness!
I don't want it anymore

"Sir Gee, I tell you now
like I've done before"

"You can always leave, my brother
I will let you go"

What would you do without me?
I don't think that you would know

"Leave and let me find out
I don't mind at all"

If I leave you brother
We shall surely fall

Your hunger for revenge
will most likely bring us down

"You mean, my hunger for their flesh
that makes my sin compound?"

The aroma is unique
So yes, there is that too
Cooking is advertisment
for all those seeking you

"Just let me be, Sir Gee
Keep your voice out from my head
You'll not stop me now
I'll go until we're dead"

"So be silent, no distraction
until we get away
We need another turkey
for Thanksgiving day!"

Oh Brother, I'm not thankful
The things that you have done
I cannot eat the meat
Of the evil, blighted ones

Well, sit back, enjoy the ride
Eat 'Salvation Army' dinner

" Better that, than what you serve
The flesh of some poor sinner"

Did you forget our past
The oath that I/we took?

"No, I haven't, my big brother
But I don't want to look"

"I don't want to see the horror
Of the sins you bring us to"

But they all fall on me, Sir Gee

"Think you that? You are the fool"

"I should tell the truth of us
I should halt you now"

You think that you might stop me?
I might ask you how?

For together, though we're bound
My voice louder than yours' be
Remember that, though we are one
YOU are bound to me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like this a lot, I'm going to come back to hear more about it, I'm feeling loads of stuff in here so I will ask for a bit of explanation, don't worry it's me, I have my own ideas but I would like to hear more about this it's fascinating me. The more times I read the more powerful it is.
Please forgive my curiosity

Thank you...Teddy

Hi, Geezer,
I have a (bad) habit of reading more into a poem than is actually there, but this feels like much more than reservations about hunting. Yes? No? One of your killer poems? Your last stanza is strong - and eerie. Reminds me of DeNiro: "You talkin' to me?"
Thank you!
L

a Killer poem. For those of you who do not know the
origin of Killer and Sir Gee, Killer and his little brother
were the victims of their alcoholic father's abuse after being
left alone with him because their mother had died of cancer.
Little brother Joey was sexually assaulted and brutally beaten to death
and Donny attacked his father and ran away, vowing to return some day
and make his father pay. Blamed for his brother's death, he hid
out in a lumber company and was nicknamed'Guy' by the French camp cook
who took him under his wing. Guy is pronounced Gee in French. By the time
Killer was ready to return, his father had already died from a heart
attack. He made a vow then, to make sure that everytime he had the chance
he would help victims of abuse. He has a special place in his heart
for vicims of rape and child abuse. While on tour in Vietnam, he was separated
from his unit and survived by killing and eating the enemy. During this time,
he was helped by an old shaman, who gave him psycedelic drugs derived from
indigenous plants to help him heighten his awareness of the jungle around him.
Unfortunately, [or maybe fortunately], he developed another couple of psyches
that he called Killer and Gee. After his return and discharge from the
military, Gee took over the day to day aspects of his life and Killer
went to hunt down and take out the rapists and sexual abusers that he read about
in the papers and saw on T.V. 'Sir' Gee came about because of his constant battle
about being honorable and not killing and eating his victims. "Find them,
if you must, but leave the justice to the police and the courts, and certainly
you shouldn't eat them!" I hope this kind of clears up the mystery of who Geezer,
Killer and Sir Gee are.

.~ Geez. Hmmmmm... Maybe another personality to deal with?

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author comment

how much of a relief it is to get this explanation and finally understand. XD I shall have to go back up and reread your poem in that new light.
Also, about these personas - the development you've done on them is very good, and so deep. Ever thought of writing a novel?

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

That 'splains it! And also makes that last stanza even darker. What torment!
L

I hope you make this into a Novel, I know so many people who would love this. What a magnificent imagination.

Thank you...Teddy

it and put it on a thumb drive, but somehow it has become contaminated and I can't access it now, I'm hoping that I can find someone that can and will repair it or I will have to start all over. Fortunately, it is only the first two chapters and most fresh in my mind. I will begin to make edits as I go, if I have to start over. Thanks, glad you like it. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you can re find it but at least it's two chapters if the worst is the worst. I'm off line for a few days so see you soon buddy.

Thank you...Teddy

in this is exquisite, and though mildly confusing, so powerful. Being the writer of many stories and characters, I can personally understand the battle between myself and a persona who seems as much myself as me. Characters and the voices in our head which we create to solidify the 'other side' in our personal debates can become so vivid and strong it is like having two people in one body.
As one author said “Writers aren’t people exactly. Or, if they’re any good, they’re a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person.” ~ Fitzgerald.
You exampled this excellently.

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

You are right, Killer and Sir Gee are deeply imbedded in my mind; as they have been a part of me for so long. I started writing Killer poems shortly after I came here to Neopoet. [Roughly around eleven or twelve years ago]. Yes, I guess that you could say that I am a whole company of characters, trying to be one person. I try to become the person that I am writing about; with all these other people in there trying to push their way to the front. I'm glad that you get the idea behind the characterization of
Killer and Sir Gee. There are other works here that may give you another glimpse of the two in their battles. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

now you also are following
SNOWMAN IAN ESKER
and so on
I'm getting gripes can''t read lines 9 and beyond

I warned them
but who will listen
lovedly
what poetic class
not even 9 lines pass

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