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Humbled Before Him

My God is so awesome, majestic
He's worthy and glorious
So beautiful to me
My God is living within my soul
Leading me gently through
Green valleys and peaceful streams
My God is so wonderful to me
I seek Him daily and call out His name
Bowing before His precious throne
Humbled and contrite longing to see
The way to heaven and be with my King
Humbled and thankful that Jesus loves me

By: Leona Chaput

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

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Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I'm not much good at commenting on religious poetry, but my greatest advice for you is to read as many of the Bible's Psalms as possible. Look at the imagery, metaphor, and similes they use and try to develop more of these literary devices in your poem. Fill the poem with unique images that really intrigue the reader. Otherwise, the poem sounds like a hymn that's already been rewritten many times before. Your love and your relationship with God is unique to you and you have been given a voice to express that relationship in a way no other human being can. Make the most of it, no matter how humbled you are.

Check out the first Psalm:

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. 3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. 4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. 5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. 6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction."

This psalm says that the person who meditates on the Lord is a tree planted by the water so that it is well nourished. Someone many, many hundreds of years ago used that image of a tree to express how living with God in their heart made them feel. It was unique and refreshing way back then, but now hundreds of years later, many people after them felt a strong connection to that image and repeated it many times so most people are familiar with images like it. What will your image be? What could you say about life with God that hasn't been said already? Write that.

Hope this helps.

Take care,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

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