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huis clos

Submitted by Geremia on Fri, 2016-04-01 15:43

HUIS CLOS

My heart sickens to near breaking
with memories of years gone by
and my soul aches for those days again.
moments lost forever, never to be regained,
but in recollection,
lost in the dimensions of Time and Space,
lost to this life, taken in death.
where is the womb that held me.
where are the souls I loved so much.
my days will not end well,
I suffer the agony of living
and I pray for annihilation
to end this lonely wandering

Last few words: 
I was looking for latest treatments for PD and unfortunately my eye went to this: "- The end stages of Parkinson's disease are neither pretty nor dignified. ..." What is a God that makes us suffer so? .
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

alidzain

Fri, 2016-04-01 16:45

alidzain's picture

this piece is full of emotion. Good job.

" What is a God that makes us suffer so? .
He is the one who will make you be willing to leave this world in hope to enter a better one. At least that's what I think in my most humble opinion.

Alid

Esker

Fri, 2016-04-01 20:11

Esker's picture

I would rather not pick my ending
I tried...the attempts
results could have been stroke
brain death
and then the one where they
tried where I came in fighting
strapped to that gurney
and somehow
ended up alive
whole
where I just went out and made
the same mistakes all over
the anger in me
the hurt shame
righteous..ignorant ego blindness

some went well
others sinking into oblivion
poisoning their systems
addictions
liver shut down
but they were haunted
well
well I am damned well
haunted too
and shoved hard to be
good and became damned
bad too
everyone here knows that
the grey
for unlike some who stay with
just their ways of being dark
or stay too the good
and the stress associated
with just living that extreme
and the happy in betweeners

I dont think I would want too chose
an ending
or know...
a few male friends I met had money
busted their asses...had no family
they had cleaned up their act
or just dedicated their life to work
driving long haul...no more heart
and lungs left..copd..
leaning once at a gathering
fear awash on their face
or watching a fire with a rock driller
gold underground trader
no harder a man....
a driven hemmingway
silence in the woodstove
his collection of booty about
him in the eve
after we had told stories
but I understood the anger
and drive he had....
the hoarding of goods was
his sin...the emotional hoarding
was mine..

asthma...overdoses...snow banks
and the car collision...one near
miss with a cube van...
one friend grabbing my collar
walking on a street....the impact
would have done me in on that
one....the almost getting fingers
removed on two separate occasions
in miracles...a head almost crushed
by a pole caught in a tree on a
boom line...slammed into where
I was standing by that other pole
inches...
if I was meant to not be here
there were many other times
a discharge of a gun missing
my head by accident

countless...

endings.....I woke up
and when I am gone for that
will occur...I am sure
not immortal it will occur
for me
it just is..

but I can relate to the pondering
and wondering about God
and his purpose
and the Why's
I had those days and I know
they will come

the fact that you poetically and
openly express this is a great
emotive and brave expression

you have inspired me to face
at least what all the others had
been asking a lot along the way
just to be more real
and its damned scary

thank U Geremia
and thank U Richard!

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