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HOW TO LOSE A LOVER (a 12 step program )

Listen up now all you guys
the following contains no lies
should you wish to live sans lover
here's some hints you can discover :

1.
Forget her name on your first date
after you arrive there late
don't go to get her at front door
just blow car's horn like a true boar
2 .
When talking to your lovely guest
keep your eyes glued to her chest
who cares the color of her eyes
obsess on boobs like all the guys
3 .
Never open doors for her
( Did the thought even occur ? )
and while the two of you go eat
flirt with the waitress, that's real neat
4 .
Should her room mate look real fine
ask her out like a real swine
all that really, truly counts
is the looks of your prospective mounts
5 .
After you first meet her mum
tell your date her mother's dumb
this will win you accolades
or acquaintance with some cold sharp blades
6 .
If you suffer gas or indigestion
belch and fart, there will be no question
open a window just a bit
that will help get rid of it
7 .
Don't forget your last girlfriend
talk about her without end
never say anything bad
say losing her made you real sad
8 .
Snub her family and best friend
which will endear you to no end
after all, you know they're crazy
and not normal like you and me
9 .
Oh ! Be sure to pick your nose
as if from it your finger grows
don't forget to scratch your butt
and to play with your left nutt
10.
Be sure to bathe 'least once a week
that " manly " smell she'll surely seek
never brush your teeth or hair
she'll love this I almost swear
11 .
Never complete any job
this will sure make her heart throb
leaving any job undo...............

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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How was my language use?
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Last few words: 
This what you had in mind Shirley ?

Comments

one thing
how does one 'belch ant fart's????? lmao at that typo as much as at the rest of the poem
hugs
judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I guess as a result of eating chocolate covered ants lmao. Gotta go fix typo.........scribbler

author comment

Yeah, I just didn't get around to finishin................stan

author comment

I am intrigued as to what that will contain!

These things in one one has already fallen in love
with can even be endearing I suppose.

This was fun Stan, but if it were a woman who likes
to reform men it would be just what she wanted!!!!
I don't think she would manage mind you, but that's
beside the point.

:) Ann with love.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I guess I didn't get around to finishing lol.........scribbler

author comment

Guys don't much care if their butt looks big I guess.........scribbler

author comment

the best way to lose
is when on a date with sandie

just call out hi mandy
and you're done
sandy who ????
the next one will do

loved

If I ever get around to finishing this lol I'll consider that for step 12........scribbler

author comment

enjoyed this one! Funny beyond belief, yet all too true! Your rhyme skills are par excellence! Great work!
~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

glad you liked it...........scribbler

author comment

because I found it hard to stop re-reading it.
Awesomely funny. The rhymes just absolutely make it.
And I love that last verse, you had me hurting, from laughing.
And each line absolutely TRUE!
LOL

Bloody funny stuff!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Kinda makes you wander what other " jobs " he leaves unfinished doesn't it ? lol. I am pleased you enjoyed this...........scribbler

author comment

That manly smell is sure to reek! just a friendly suggestion.

What a laugh! deserves a nom.

Still laugh.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

I'll consider it on the edit. So glad you enjoyed this.........stan

author comment

the author is among those who never finish anythi......lol. Glad you thought this was OK.........stan

author comment

I thought I made comment to this but must of lost it and I am waiting on the 12th step! Are you saving that one for Shirley? You did a great job here and I commend you on your genuine lesson. LOL Hope all is fine by you.

Love and Light
Magics

hypothetical writer was showing his lack of ability to finish anything. I am fine hope the same for you.........stan

author comment

12. It takes twelve fingers and toes
to count the ways in which I love you more.

ok, it doesn't fit in with your poem, however, I thought I'd write a proper ending.

chuckles of love,
Anna

Nobody seems to understand or like my lack of ending lol! Guess I'll have to eventually put in step 12. thanks for dropping by.........scribbler

author comment
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