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HOW I FORGOT TO DIE

Yesterday night
I took my kayak for a ride.
The plan was to quietly die
while watching the rising moon.
I left pretty late.
The last sunbeams stumbled
upon the black of the lake
and fell apart
into a thousand bright
and broken lines of red copper.

I was soundless,
passing an ancient bronze of drift wood,
feeling the silk of weightless water,
I almost did not move.
But I pissed off a beaver.
Its angry tail flapping
was loud and clear.

I glided under the arching branches,
between the trees standing
knee-deep in the water.
Recent rains nourished the lake well.
Full-bodied fish glistened
near the hazel bottom.
Ducklings hid in the new reeds,
and a deer lost between shoals and sky
froze in the middle to feed
her two angular-ankly sons.

Before dark
the flashing showers started.
Fireflies. They made me forget
why I was there at first.
I was sitting open-mouthed
simply watching their synchronized firing.
My paddle was slowly falling out of hands.
Time had stopped.
Oh, and the moon was somewhere
there as well.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I wish you had posted this in the summer fun contest....
......................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hey Raj,
but I did say summer contest, have i not complete the procedure properly?

How is the poem?

IRiz

author comment

u seem to have missed
ask for an extension may be
and lines!!!!!
one too many
i think

It is okay then.

IRiz

author comment

the poem is very good which has elements of thrill, mystery as well as surprise ...the title of the poem too is very thoughtful...which is why I said you should have posted it ....you did mention in the title that it was for the summer contest but you also need to check mark the contest box...however even if you had done that the last date for this contest surprisingly was 29th and Stan in his post had reminded everyone about it a day before...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

a moment late I think

get an extension
u must win
16 lines only i think

"The last sunbeams stumbled upon the black of the lake and fell apart into a thousand bright and broken lines of red copper." Also, "the trees standing knee deep in the water." Great lines!
They gave me some really good images and that is what it's about for me. ~Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hi Geezer,
Thank you for reading my lines.
I am glad you appreciate imagery in poems.
It is one of the most important part of poetry for me as well. But I also like a good cadence. In Russian poetry it is extremely important and I want to transfer that to English.
I am always trying to achieve clearly recognizable pattern in rhythmic structure.
Have a nice day.

IRiz

author comment

that cadence is important. As I am primarily a rhymer, I look at cadence carefully, even if it is not rhyme. Great job! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Yes, you are an excellent rhymer indeed.

IRiz

author comment

Iriz don't be late this time
I am also thinking to enter in

hat trick eh!

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