Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

HOW TO DROWN THE NEGATIVE

Submitted by Osadolor Osayande on Fri, 2018-06-01 11:39

The next time a thought comes
A hungry long-necked vulture

And it tries to shred your peace
Eyes homing on horses fleeing lions

Open up your palms
Maybe hooves might outdo paws

Keep them abut, reader’s style
Neigh too, nothing’s new about roars

Count all the sprawling whorls
As you sprint, kick from the rear

There are a billion patterns of you
Dizzy them with a circuitous race

Lines of beauty thicker than despair
The vulture would seek a meal elsewhere

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Good day guys. I've really missed been here. Here's one of my poems recently published in a journal, I would appreciate your constructive reviews. Thanks family.
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

Eumolpus

Fri, 2018-06-01 21:41

Eumolpus's picture

very African as vultures lions and horses all don't live in too many other places. I like that.
I have never seen, heard of, or imagined lions and horses...but it must be so in rural areas outside the main area lions live, where they hunt the Zebra, and everything else. (I have been among the lions in open jeeps in 6 different African countries. For some reason they just ignore it, like a smelly rolling rock of no interest)

I would consider being more specific with the "thought" as the next time a "negative thought" comes your way, and maybe suggest what those thoughts might be- death, fear of something else? Putting a bit more of the "you" in the poem, who is you.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Osadolor Osayande

Mon, 2018-06-04 04:26

Osadolor Osayande's picture

Thank you so much for the review. I buy your views on the need for an elaborate "you."
But I guess the usage of horses in place of zebras came from the typical association of horses with bravery. I also wanted a symbol that would capture the reality of running away - zebras are less agile runners than horses. And a symbol to appropriately capture the horror of the tame running away from the wild.

author comment

gregwa8

Sat, 2018-06-02 01:20

gregwa8's picture

an interesting idea, to become a "horse" to escape a "vulture" or "lion". i like the fantastical way you deal with a very real emotion or psychological reality. palms, hooves, paws. i think you do a good job of staying logically coherent/consistent, even as you work from one animal to the next.

Osadolor Osayande

Mon, 2018-06-04 04:29

Osadolor Osayande's picture

Thanks for the review Greg. Glad you could absorb the imagery.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.