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How do you start your day?

Some of the mornings
of early fall glow gold;
sunbeams burst
through the leaves promising
all the happiness in the world.

The other ones carry the gloom
of the morning after
a post apocalyptic fallout.
The forest floor
suffocates under the plaster
of the fallen leaves
and rot takes over.
Regardless,
I brush my teeth and go
into the woods
to check if I can still run faster
than the day before.

I move foot by foot.

And then surprise comes:
a word from across the globe
or raining stops and I
meet the fall.
Pushing her stroller forward,
she walks on her own
not a baby anymore
but a big girl.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Last few words: 
Another poem about autumn. One might think the world is in turmoil, she writes about changing seasons. But it IS important and if we miss small things waiting for big ones we end up not living.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Marvellous metaphorical poetry

How happy am I
that ere I leave the world
for my final sojourn
I have come across
a wizard of poet tree in you

alas my ego has since been buried
I am no poet
I thought I was married to poetry
composed by no one else like me
now I am just a seedling
reading thee
my roots need to go deep
ere I weep
upon the days since gone
a narcissistic poet in me
succumbs
now I am done
ego has been abandoned

Lovedly is now free
as the winters cold breeze
to slap upon nude, naked trees
and sing a soulful song
be happy
Lovedly
now accepts your poetry

Dear Lovedly,
Thank you for your nice joke.
On a serious note, we are all beginners and each of us has a different and unique path ahead.
Accepting and understanding other people poetry takes energy and patience and I thank you for reading my lines.

IRiz

author comment

abs just and fair
as thin as skin can be
maybe hair
IRiz

Somehow
your so called serious words
make me laugh out loud!!!

IRiz

author comment

I am happy my seriousity makes u laaf
na cry
devyuskae

dobri denh ie gm no!

ya znayu russkee now nem noga
since 50 years was holding distinction now US lovedli...

Interesting how you give us enough clues so we can guess a cell phone thing overseas (facebook, face time whatever), the weather, then seeing some little girl passing, in the present tense.

I have two issues that stop the flow for me. (As a poet my suggestion is we want to avoid anything which draws the readers attention too far away from the poem, due to questioning a fact, or some image that's too bizarre...) The word "fallout" is too associated with nuclear war, so I start thinking the poem is about that... also you're running faster than the day before (great image) but then moving foot by foot...but you're running...

Otherwise I like the spontaneity of the poem. nice poem!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Dear Eumolpus,
Thank you for your suggestions.
I am glad you found time reading and commenting the text. One thing to mention, I stated the purpose why I am going to the park I did not say I am running.
Even with this said I see your point.
On unrelated subject,
I wrote a few poems that do not tell a story but transfer the reader somewhere and immediatly I received the comment requesting the story. I think it all depends on the poem. Some of them do tell a story similar to prose

IRiz

author comment

Not being much of a free verse writer I can't really offer much."Plaster of fallen leaves" I think I know what you're aiming for and plaster is not quite it as plaster denotes a solid coating. .....hmmm..... maybe paper mache' (sic) would be more accurate? Being well into my autumn years I almost always like poem about the fall and one like this which shows one person's autumn is just the beginning for another cycle for those coming along is even better......stan

Thank you for your comment my dear friend.
You uncovered the meaning the uplifting undertone of the new beginning. Thank you for that again. I was concern about the plaster I want something that suffocates for good together with the follout I build a contrast between two states that the fall offered - desperation of the end and enjoinmemt of the past memories. I feel the fall in my bones too my friend, we are both pretty much there.

IRiz

author comment

I'm not sure how you achieved it
'I brush my teeth and go
into the woods
to check if I can still run faster
than the day before.'
Could be read as checking to see if you can run a bit faster every day but instead reads as running faster than the day itself. Nicely done!

Then followed by
I move foot by foot.
reads to me like 'trudging the path of happy destiny'.

This work has some intriguing subtleties. I like it too.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

thank you, my friend:)
using foot by foot i was trying to emphasize continuity of the everyday efforts that takes us where we want
my bed time now,
i have recorded some of my poems
not sure i like my accent

IRiz

author comment

to SoundCloud or Vocaroo or ilk, I love to hear works in the poet's own voice.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

SoundCloud. I placed the link at the end of one poem. It is Unborn friendship. The poem was written under influence of February a poem by Boris Pasternak. Although they do not have anything in common I placed the Russian original in the comments below my poem and added my attempt in its translation. I recorded both Russian original and my translation and will place a link in the comments later today. Good morning by the way.

IRiz

author comment

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Hey, now there are three links:
the one you already saw
at the end of the poem
and in my reply to Raj comment where I talk about Pasternak, I recorded my translation of his poem February and his original in Russian for comparison. How is my accent? I think it is impossible. I don't like it .

IRiz

author comment

The reading... is, well, I think it could be stronger. It feels a bit winsone, even plaintiff. You can see in the audio graphic on SoundCloud how several phrases start strong and fade out.

I refrained from adding expression, yet I feel this carries the strength of your perceptions perhaps more strongly, and it's not just the deep male voice.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0spxfyqFnoV

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

And I truly enjoyed your reading.
Thank you so much!!!

IRiz

author comment

Thanks Jess for pulling this poem of IRiz back on stream with your comment/ A pleasure read
.....................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you

IRiz

author comment
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