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How Could She Know

Submitted by redbaronj on Wed, 2014-02-19 13:48

How Could She Know

How could she know
she was the chosen one?
Just a child, so fair.
Growing up in a world, unfair.

How could she know
that she would bear a King
to this world to repair?

How could she know
the pain she would endure
as she watched her Son
fulfill His mission here?

The Plan of Redemption
The Plan of Happiness
The Plan of Salvation
for only Him to prepare.

How could she know
she would become the mother
of a God, too young to care?

How could she know?

By: Sharon Jones

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This a poem about Mary as a child.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Race_9togo

Wed, 2014-02-19 21:04

Race_9togo's picture
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i don't often give criticism for those not wanting 'the raw truth', but I set aside my usual rule for this one.

I like the title, and the language use.
The rhythm and cadence are generally good, although I would have liked to have seen a more rigid meter.Not that I don't think that it has any meter - it does - but I think it would have more impact with a bit more stricture, if you see what I mean.
Stanza 2, line 3 seems a little forced and artificial, to me, so I would try re-writing it.
Perhaps "this world to repair", or something similar. The meaning's there, but it should be more specific.
Stanza 5, line 3, is unclear as to whether it is God or Mary that is too young to care.
Okay, that takes care of the mundane criticisms.
Concerning your theme...the sad fact is that 'christian poems' are pretty much a dime a dozen, as are 'moslem poems'. Not surprising, given how many people in our world profess those faiths.
But this does not apply to your poem; you've managed very successfully to put forth the main tenets of christian faith while presenting them in an original and thought-provoking way. And without proselytizing. I had never considered who Mary was, what she was like, or what her opinions or beliefs might have been before she brought The Messiah into the world.
Originality in religious poems is very hard to achieve.
So most very well done.
I look forward to your edits.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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